Guh (potential labour rambling, read at own risk)

[oloriel]

"You generally know that it's real labour", the midwife said, "when you have to breathe away the pain."

She did not say what it means when you have to breathe away without the pain.

That is what I told Jörg around noon, half-joking, when he asked why I was sighing like that.
Ever since, I've been having recurrent, but painless, contractions. I can feel my uterus turn taut and hard, that is, but it doesn't hurt. In the past weeks, I had a vaguely unpleasant crampy feeling around the nether regions every now and then - normally my body's version of menstrual cramps, which appear to be relatively mild compared to what other women suffer - which I assumed were prodromal labour. Might be "false labour" (misleading term, wtf, English-speaking world?) as well, I don't see what's going on in there after all. Whatever. One of the two. Either is perfectly normal at this point, so I didn't worry about it (aside from thinking something along the lines "Crap, it was so nice not to deal with menstrual pains for a while").
Now the menstrual-cramp-thing has disappeared.
Before I got to the menstrual-cramp-like pains, I very occasionally felt such contractions as I was having today, which is likewise perfectly normal, because we're basically dealing with muscles here and those muscles have to hone themselves a little in order to be fit for the big day. So I didn't worry about those either.

I'm not exactly worrying now, anyway - more like curious about what exactly is going on, and wondering whether I am ready if this is indeed the beginning (but then, is one ever?)...

But at any rate, I've been having these painless but breathing-worthy contractions a lot today. Didn't exactly keep track when they started (after all, they'd get filed under "harmless practice" if they hadn't by now happened so often) and didn't count them, either, but definitely I'm talking about more than the rule-of-thumb "no more than thrice an hour or ten times a day". And while they do not hurt, they are sort of taxing (hence the heavy breathing).

The frustrating thing is that I just don't know where I'm at. Prodromal labour can apparently occur as early as six weeks before the actual birth takes place, so this may mean nothing at all. On the other hand, these contractions have been pretty regular and taxing (albeit, I repeat, painless and too far apart for "real" labour), so things may have started to move after all. Have tried to find out more by staring intently at my bump, which appears to me to have "sunk", but how reliable am I as an observer? Exactly.

The recommended thing to do in order to find out whether it's just "false labour" or the beginning of proper labour is to take a nice bath - if relaxing in warm water doesn't make the contractions stop, they're likely "for real", whereas if they go away, they were only "practice". However, it is not recommended to go into the bathtub when one is home alone (as I am - Jörg is on the late shift this week), because apparently one's circulation may do funny things and drowning in a bathtub after suddenly loosing consciousness is sort of awkward.
So I am instead relaxing by sitting around and having a nice cool non-alcoholic Bavarian beer (magnesium and hops for relaxation... and if push comes to shove (hah!), malt encourages lactation, so that's also a good thing!).

So far, relaxation has shown no effect. As I am typing this, the contractions are still frequent. Still, however, painless. Not that I'm complaining - I figure painless contractions are a lot better than painful contractions - it's just confusing. If it hurt like hell, I'd know what I'm dealing with. As it is, I remain uncertain. (Those among you who've already given birth - have any experience with this?)

I'm feeling a bit guilty as I only have my appointment with the hospital for all the preliminary formalities on Thursday. If I do go into labour now, we catch them at unawares. (Well, not exactly at unawares, they know what to do after all - but they don't have our data so that'll have to be dealt with, and I haven't filled in the cord blood donation sheet yet, etc etc.). But at least according to last week's check-up, Offspring looks "ripe", so if he comes out now, he probably is ready. (One of us, at least!) Even though he'd be a full month earlier than expected.

Other than that... well, I guess it's wait and see. I packed the hospital bag last week (except for the things I use daily, and the snacks for the hubby), so if things turn... exciting, we just have to grab'n'go. Aside from diapers (which we won't need while in hospital, anyway) and Expensive Stuff People Can Give Us Offspring As Birthday Presents, we've got everything here, so... yeah. I nonetheless feel very unprepared (I haven't had the obligatory "Clean all the things!"-spree yet! Everything is DIRTY! ;_; There's so much I have to do yet! *flails*), but it could be worse.
So, yeah. Let's see what's coming. If you're not hearing back from me tomorrow, things have probably turned out to be serious. ^^