Childbed ramblings

[oloriel]

I never understood how people found it difficult to keep up with others after the birth of a child; and I thought, considering that I'm already living mostly in isolation, that my social contacts/ time away from home could not actually get any less; but now I see how that happened, and that they/ it can.

Such a tiny tiny human, and he's changing and restructuring everything.

But yesterday we managed to take a short walk (v. short walk, and by the end my pelvis was already complaining. Bah. ;_;). The day before I took Felix to our uphill neighbours. They were delighted to meet him! They also told me that their granddaughter (who was due with twin girls in September) had to have a Cesarian because one of the babies was undersupplied. O.ó So instead of some time in September, their birthday is now July 26th, one day after Felix. They're both well and so is their mother (under the circumstances). Scary thought though!
Today we took Felix grocery shopping (with pelvic pains again, damn it all), and next weekend, my father's side of the family will come to my parents' place so we'll go there as well. Thus Felix' world grows, and I guess mine as well!

And Felix has already invented a fun game; Jörg calls it "Ballinuk" (short for Ballistischer Nucki, i.e. "ballistic pacifier"): After I'd nursed him and put him back to bed (so we knew he couldn't be hungry just then), he started crying. So Jörg gave him his pacifier, soothed him a little, and went back to bed. And just when Jörg had snuggled back into the blankets, Felix spit out the pacifier, took a few deep breaths, and started crying again. So Jörg got up. And gave Felix his pacifier back. And Felix started sucking on it, happily. And Jörg went back to bed. And Felix spit out the pacifier, took a few deep breaths, and started crying... this went on for almost an hour, then Jörg was too tired and took Felix along to our bed. Where Felix slept happily - without his pacifier...

Also, parenting (or mothering, really) is a full-time job. Nursing is the greatest time-eater of all, easily swallowing up 10 hours a day - Felix is a slow but persistent drinker. Last week, Jörg couldn't help me at all -- our tenants have been having problems with mice in their ceiling for a goodly while, and last week, they were on vacation, so Jörg (with the help of his brother and mother) had five days to tear down the ceiling, find all the mouseholes, close them up and put up a new ceiling. It worked out -- just barely. I, meanwhile, was sitting somewhere with Felix attached to one of my breasts whenever one of them dropped by. As a result, mom-in-law is now offended because she's been working so hard (and with her wrecked knees and all) and all I'm doing is lazing around. I could rant a while on that topic, but it won't do any good, so I won't.
Fortunately, Jörg took three months' paternity leave, so we have some time together yet. And I'm learning to do things one-handedly so if I prepare things well, nursing time can be used for other things (such as folding laundry (badly)) or typing LJ-entries or just plain reading. And fortunately Felix likes being carried around in a wrap sling, so once I'm more mobile I guess I'll get stuff done again instead of delegating everything (or trying to hastily do everything in the moments that Felix is content to lie in his cot instead of being carried/cuddled/nursed/changed)...
Unfortunately, sewing requires two hands. And as ever after the Drachenfest, even if I didn't go there this time, I have so many bad ideas. Not to mention that I need a whole new set of garb for my new character (the elf days are over). And, of course, her son... ^^

Comments

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

From my babysitter families and relatives I know that it gets easier as soon as the wee ones have a fixed sleeping rhythm. So there's hope! Concerning your mom in law I ... just don't have ANY words. You're only just recovering and adjusting, even if you WOULD just sit down and do nothing I'd applaud you and not scold.

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

Ah, motherhood! Nothing more magnificient or terrible. (Fathers get a glimpse of it, but nothing like the full effect.)

It's a time drain like no other in the world (and virtually never ends--you get a few breaks when they are older, but then the worrying is as consuming as the physical care was). I cannot imagine not doing it though--feels like part of the human condition to me. I try really hard to understand people who grown up knowing they don't want children--I can imagine feeling that way but cannot really absorb in on any visceral level. Sometimes I think people who cannot have children are lucky, simply because I personally could never have said 'no.'

Not to be discouraging but, you don't even know yet if he will be an easy or a difficult child. I've got my fingers crossed that you got an easy one. My current obsession is a difficult one. They are equally engaging in other ways. But, there are not a lot of contemplative moments with the type like Baby Fingon.

I always wished I could have read while nursing. Mine wanted eye contact! Not too demanding! I did manage to learn how to cook, putter around the house, and wash dishes nursing. I so envied people who could nurse, lying on their side on the bed, reading a novel. What a life!!

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Eh, to be fair it was probably just crappy communication, bad timing, and general annoyance/exhaustion. I'm mostly just angry that she (apparently) still makes an issue out of it instead of chalking it up to the above and moving on. >_>

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Similar here - on an intellectual level, I can understand that some people don't want children, but emotionally I can't put myself in that position. The primitive urge to keep my genes in the pool is too strong in me, I guess ^^

He's being easy now, compared to the other newborns we met at the hospital. Of course I have no idea how things will develop.

Heh, who knows whether he'll let me read or tyoe once he has a longer attention span! (I'm writing this with only my right hand; the left is keeping my breast out of Felix' nose *g*

[samtyr.livejournal.com]

"Such a tiny tiny human, and he's changing and restructuring everything."

--Oh yes, and this is only the beginning. (It gives you a whole new perspective on how mothers are portrayed in Tolkien, doesn't it? Especially Nerdanel with seven, and twins at the last.)

[gaharr.livejournal.com]

"that she (apparently) still makes an issue out of it"

I wanted to elaborate on this but rather choose to stay with a simple "meh!"

Your little one is how old? I'd say you have every right to be angry.

Keep on taking the time you need.

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

It's still just not on, no matter how wrong communication went. Yeah, in the olden days women popped out a baby, wiped off their hands, went right back to throwing the household and did everything with a smile. Such behaviour makes ME angry, and I'm not even remotely involved.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

It's true; for the first three or four months, one does little besides nurse the baby, change the baby, bathe the baby, wash the baby's clothes, rock the baby to sleep, and pray to get enough time in there somewhere to eat, sleep, shower and wash one's own clothes before the baby wakes up again.

It'll get easier when he's sleeping through the night, eating and napping on a more predictable schedule. Once he can hold his head up well, you'll be able to put him in a backpack, which will let you use both hands again. Infancy is a bad time for reading and for writing prose, but a wonderful time for singing, and for writing and reciting poetry, and for dancing with your pretty boy.

The first two years of motherhood feel like they're going to go on forever, while they're going on. Once they're past, in retrospect they seem to have flown by so fast that one had barely time to cherish them. Therefore, I say cherish and savor them as much as you possibly can. Don't try to read while you're nursing: your books will wait for you, but the child at your breast will be there only a little while, then never again, and you will never regret any moment you spent gazing into his beautiful eyes.

Sweeping and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow,
So quiet down, cobwebs; dust go to sleep;
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

But why should your elf days be over? Just about all of Tolkien's Elven women were mothers: Miriel, Nerdanel (especially), Melian, Luthien, Idril, Elwing, Aredhel, Galadriel, Celebrian, Arwen. Most of the Elven women in Elfquest too, and also Lord Dunsany's King of Elfland's Daughter Lirazel. LOL, my own elf days aren't over, and my baby's about to turn 22. I can just about fit back into the skin-tight green suede Elven-jeans I made when I was 22, and that I last wore the summer before she was conceived, though I do have better taste than to appear in them in public. :P

Hang in there, dearheart; get lots of rest, drink lots of water, take lots of fish oil, and don't let your mother-in-law get on your nerves too much - it's traditional among social primates for the elder female relatives to harass a new mother. You could try handing her the baby every time she's around; nice for Felix to bond with his Grandma, and it may distract her enough that she'll hush up. *hugs*

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

I've already found that one of my best purchases was the wrap sling - I can wrap it so that Felix' head is safely held, he goes right to peaceful snuggling, even if he was crabby before! And unlike carrying him in my arms only, it doesn't force me to go into lordosis. Unfortunately I'm too sore yet to do much walking and carrying either way; otherwise none of these problems would have come up ;)

Now I need the tune for that song!

The problem with the first week was that the mom-in-law had to help Jörg and his brother with construction stuff - so she (like the rest of us) was tired and overtaxed and didn't have time to take the baby. And because she was working all day, she was annoyed that she had to prepare meals on top of everything because Felix wouldn't even let me go to the kitchen for long enough (or at sensible times, anyway). Yesterday (thanks to the wrap ;)) I actually managed to make hamburgers with Felix present, though! Hah!

The end of my elf days doesn't actually have anything to do with motherhood. But my group is changing their system - so far we've done mostly "Tolkien + whatever drops by", but now they want to join a different campaign. And I don't like that campaign's elf concept. But without the group, playing my lone Noldorin scribe isn't really fun anymore. And on longer, camping-based LARP events, sticking on the elf ears is a bit of a hassle anyway. And I hope to lure my husband into LARP as well, and he's not the elf type. So for LARPing purposes, I'm creating a new character - a human one. With family. ^^ And Olóriel the scribe (and possibly her son) will be kept for purely Tolkienic events, like the MEF or Ring*Con.

Skin-tight green suede Elven-jeans? Oh my! XD

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW NERDANEL MANAGED THAT. >.<
Of course, you can bet that my experiences will sneak into my fanfic...

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

I don't know an actual tune for it - you'll have to make one up - but here's the entire poem:

Babies Don’t Keep
By Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,
Lullabye, rockaby, lullabye loo.
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo,
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo,
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs;
Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.



.... skin-tight green suede Elven-jeans, srsly. I made them for my then-fiance when we were 21, only they were too tight and too low-cut for him, so I wore them for ten years - my daughter grew into them at age 11 and wore them about 6 years (she's hippier than I was) - neither of us will ever fit them again, though, so now they're packed away until my first Elven-grandchild grows into them.

*sigh* Wish we were not on opposite sides of the planet; I would love to see you all at a con or an event or something someday.