(no subject)

[oloriel]

Yeah, April was meant to be Back to Business month, but it's also Catching Up with Stuff month more generally.

For instance, I was so busy writing and stamping and posting about stamping and posting about writing in March that I missed the entirety of The Return of the King on Mark Reads. And after that he moved on to The Princess Bride which I know and love as well, so now I'm catching up with that. (Unlike Mark, I do not have the willpower to limit myself to just one chapter per day, so I'm reading the whole thing in big gulps until something or someone interrupts me.)
So I'm now in Chapter Six, The Festivities, and Mark (who is, for once, entirely spoiled because he's seen the movie about a thousand times) has reached the point where the Machine is first tested.

I did not think of it at the time, because I did not grow up on The Princess Bride, neither book nor movie (but I think the Machine wasn't in the movie anyway?), and just read it much later in my life and only three or so times and only watched the movie once, so it hasn't engrained itself in my brain the way other books and movies have. But now that it's been brought back to my mind - and I'm sorry to say this, and I'm especially sorry if that puts all of you off the having babies thing for ever and ever - I'm kind of sad about it, because the way Morgenstern Goldman describes what the Machine is like for Westley sums up perfectly why giving birth to Felix was such a difficult experience for me, and haunted me for so long.
I could not take my mind away.
In one way, of course, that is a good thing, because really, that's such a life-changing thing that you should be there with all your being, including your mind, instead of fantasizing about Maedhros and Fingon, I mean, honestly, woman, what are you doing.
On the other hand, it's not exactly the most pleasant experience on this planet. Or it wasn't for me, anyway. And normally, I take my mind away from unpleasant experiences. Even the mildly unpleasant, like doing the dishes or trying to make the 3km walk to our bus stop in less than 15 minutes, and certainly the majorly unpleasant, like a visit to the dentist's. And birthing was majorly unpleasant, and I could not distract myself. I had no control over what my body was doing and I couldn't even control my mind, either. And that was what made the first weeks so rocky, too, and what made me feel like such a failure. (Well, not just that. But it was part of the package.)

OK, that was random and disturbing. I find it helpful, though, so deal with it (or ignore it, of course).
For instance, I know that there are classes that deal with preparing the mind for the birthing process, and there's hypno-birthing and all that - and crazy as it may sound for the uninitiated, I think I'll look into that when we decide to turn Felix into a big brother.
So there.

Brought to you by my mind & The Princess Bride. (Do read that if you haven't. You probably have to see the movie as a kid or you won't enjoy it as much, but the book works perfectly even for adults. Perhaps even more for adults.)