No way, is it an actual LJ pest? I mean post. I'll leave the typo because it's punny.

[oloriel]

Anyway, proper LJ post?
It might be. Of course, it is not the catch-up post that needs to be done. Instead, let me talk about Budapest.

First I have to admit something: On my inner map, Budapest was a place filed under the category of Meh (I guess you can go there, but I don't really have to). Don't tell me how silly that is, don't laugh at me, don't ask why, that's just the way it was.


Now, a few months back we received a card with the silhouette of a horse-drawn carriage, two names, "August 16, 2014", and "Save the date" on it. Jörg complained that they didn't say what exactly they wanted us to save the date for, but we figured out it probably wasn't a funeral.
The two names belonged to P, one of Jörg's former co-students, and said co-student's girlfriend C. He is Polish but studied in Cologne, she is Rumanian but studied in England, and they met in Budapest where they both ended up working. A European love story. They were also going to get married in Budapest.

Jörg didn't particularly care to go to Budapest, either, but he did care to go to P.'s wedding. So after some deliberation and in spite of the sad state of our finances, we booked flights to Budapest (and remembered in time to book another flight for Julian several months later). Jörg was worried that we were too late to get a room in the hotel where the wedding celebrations would take place, so when a really good-looking hotel offer came along with the flight, we took that. And then, with one thing and another, August came. I barely had time to freak out about flying with little children and What If The Plane Crashes Down when we were already stuck in one of the many traffic jams that adorn German highways these days on our way to the airport, arriving just in time for boarding. Felix was very much opposed to sitting in his own seat without a child safety seat and kicked up a fuss (busying Jörg, me and two flight attendants until we got him bribed with pencils, paper and (most importantly) alphabet cookies). Other than that, the flight went well. And the hotel was actually every bit as nice as it had looked on the Expedia site. It even had its own thermal pool (Budapest is famous for its thermal baths), albeit not one of the big famous ones.

We didn't spend that much time in Budapest (we arrived Friday night, and had to go back Monday evening, and most of Saturday was reserved for the wedding), but what we did see was almost entirely awesome. It's a lovely city (as far as cities are concerned), easily on par (haha) with Paris. Now, we were lucky in that the weather was great all the time (sunny and hot but slightly windy so it didn't get unbearable), and also in that our hotel was pretty central so we could cover most distances on foot (thus seeing many sights from the outside at least), and again in that it was the weekend of the traditional artisan market in Buda Castle, which we visited on Monday before our return flight.

The wedding, too, was surprisingly awesome and managed to rise to First Place on my inner Best Weddings I've Ever Attended list (not that I've attended that many, but I still have a list?). I wouldn't have thought that a professionally planned and executed wedding could still be so enjoyable and friendly and personal, but this one was. Everything worked just great. Well, I guess the wedding service could've been a bit more animated. (Felix found it extremely boring and it was hard to keep him from disturbing the ceremony.) But it was multilingual (Hungarian, English, German and Latin) which I found pretty impressive. They had organised a shuttle bus to the hotel where the celebrations took place. They'd even thought to provide drinks aboard the bus so nobody went thirsty on the 45-minute ride from the church to the hotel. Dinner was an overwhelming affair, with incredibly amounts and incredibly many choices on offer, but what I enjoyed most was, of all things, the dancing.

Not that I danced. Not at all. But there were two things that were great about it. One, almost everybody else did, aside from the frail and elderly. After my own wedding, some people complained that "there had been no dancing", by which they claimed they meant "there had been no music fit for dancing", but that was bullshit because our DJs actually offered a free choice of music so if anyone had wanted to dance to anything in particular, they just need have said so and if they didn't, it's their own fault. No such choice was offered this time, they had a playlist and that was played, period, yet everybody was dancing. From what I've observed, I now believe that guests at our wedding party had been worried about looking silly (being afraid of looking silly is, in my experience, one of the many ingredients of German Angst (TM)). These people weren't worried about looking silly, and it wasn't because they were all perfect, professional dancers but because they just made fun of themselves.
Two, Felix absolutely loved the music and the disco lights. As I mentioned, he'd been testy during the service and naturally the feast had been rather long, although he'd occupied himself with his pencils and paper, and two picture books, and a police car he'd been given by another former co-student's girlfriend. (Earlier, she'd almost caught the bridal bouquet on sheer instinct, but remembered that she and her boyfriend had agreed on not marrying just in time to draw her hands back.) But when the disco lights went on, Felix jumped up and "danced" - well, ran in circles - and enjoyed himself thoroughly. It was a joy to watch. We barely managed to keep him off the dancefloor so the newly-weds could dance their waltz routine, and then Felix was back on the dancefloor. He had so much fun that he didn't even mind that other people were dancing all around, and in fact pretty close to him!

My best moment of the wedding was when one lady (I think one of the groom's aunts) lifted Felix up and twirled him around in a sort of Rock'n'Roll movement. Now, some hours earlier, the groom's mother had showered the couple with the Polish equivalent of pennies, because that's for good luck. Felix had then picked up all the coins and discovered what the pockets on his pants are for. Of course, we'd all completely forgotten about his groszy-stuffed pockets, but when he was twirled around... there was a shower of small golden coins on the dancefloor! You couldn't have planned it if you tried.
The good lady was mortified, but fortunately Felix didn't at all mind that all "his" precious money was all over the floor - he was rather delighted by the merry plinking and the way they glittered in the disco lights. When people brought him the coins back and he just threw them up in the air again. And then he danced some more.
We left "early" (that is, around 10 pm - the party went on until 5 am) but so happy.

I dunno. Maybe this makes no sense to anyone but me, but it was so lovely to be among people who don't have their own children, yet never made you feel that the kids were unwelcome. Felix was the only small kid running around (the other children present were one 12-year-old, and a couple of almost-grown-up girls), and nobody gave us the feeling that they minded his presence in general or his antics on the dancefloor or even his almost-tantrums in church. And nobody made us feel that we were bad parents for having dragged our poor wee children all the way to Budapest. I guess I've become rather defensive because in Germany, you're always annoying someone. And if people don't make you feel like you're annoying them, they make you feel like you're doing things wrong and they know better. In Budapest, it felt like people were simply a lot more capable of coexisting. We also got that impression when we went to the artisan market - it was crowded, but there was no pushing, no shouting, and no evil eye given to any of the parents (ourselves included) who pushed buggies or prams up the hill to the castle. Even in our posh hotel, people smiled at Felix, even when he was NOT being a sweet little angel. In the thermal baths, after he'd been swimming, an elderly guy who'd been watching (grimly, as we had first thought) told him that he had a lot of energy and would be an olympic athlete. I'm not sure I can properly describe it, and maybe I'm just imagining things anyway, but it just felt so different from home. (Same in Denmark, BTW.)

Actually, I don't think I'm imagining things. On our flight back home, Felix cried a little because he had caught a slight cold and with his nose stuffed, his ears hurt when the plane descended. In the row in front of us was a Hungarian lady, who offered sweets for him to chew on. (He refused the grapes I'd packed for him, and didn't want to drink water which was all I'd left.) Two rows behind us, we heard annoyed German muttering about how children didn't belong on a plane in the first place and why weren't they sleeping at this time of day anyway...
It's particularly funny (not haha funny, the other kind) because I'd tried to look up stuff to do in Budapest with small children, and had found some blog entries about how Budapest is such an unfriendly place towards children. Definitely not the impression I got.

We're invited to another wedding in October (right here in Wermelskirchen). The invitation explicitly asks parents to leave their children at home "because we want to enjoy ourselves after all". Now, it's the couple's right to decide whom they invite, of course, but... you know, it's just so different?

(And this isn't to say that everyone has to love children. I know that kids - including my own - can be a bloody pest. (And not a Buda. Haha. Sorry.) And that many parents have entitlement issues. And that some people just don't like kids, and that's OK. But... I dunno, it's just that it feels like it's a societal thing, and you've got one kind of society that's just generally more relaxed, about in fact many things but also about the presence of children and the noise and disorder that comes with them, and you've got one kind of society that's always a little puckered up, also about many things but especially about children? That's what it's like. Crap, I've gone completely off-topic. You're probably all tired of my rambling. I'll shut up now.)


Anyway, Budapest. Budapest is really nice, as cities go, and if you get a chance to go there, do that. With or without a wedding to attend.

Comments

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

I loved reading this and could almost see Felix and his coins. Thanks for sharing. I'm pleased you had a good time. I went to a funeral today and it just felt wrong to be that the grandchildren weren't at the service, most of them are aged around 8. I think children should be included in events that mark the cycle of life which we are all part of.

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

I personally really like to see children at weddings. But most I have gone to have a strong family element. It does not prevent people from partying and going on for hours long after the children have left. There are a lot of kids in Brooklyn. It is definitely a kid city. So is Manhattan but there are restaurants and concerts which just not kid venues and people don't take them mainly because they would not enjoy and would not want someone to drop a major part of their budget for a dinner in an elegant restaurant only to be seated next to a shrieking child.

I always took my kids on a lot of trips and to eat out and it meant they got used to it and behaved very well. We do see some of the parent entitlement at certain places in Brooklyn--people of let their kids leave the table in a restaurant and romp around or make life incredibly difficult for the staff.

Fuck people being nasty on airplanes about children. Is one supposed to stay home until the youngest child is 12? Not in my world.

[cowboy-r.livejournal.com]

I'm the sort of person who invites my friends of all ages, not just the chronologically advantaged ones. But it's widely known that I'm not even remotely sane.

[http://users.livejournal.com/macalla_/]

Also bei Hochzeiten etc. würde ich IMMER die gesamte Familien samt Kinder dabei haben wollen. Schließlich ist das ja ein Familienfest!

Bei anderen Gelegenheiten ... ich gebe zu, dass ich da schon des Öfteren den Kopf schüttle. Was macht ein kleines Kind (geschätzt 3 oder 4 Jahre) bei einer Aufführung von Porgy and Bess in der Oper? Dort hab ich mich wirklich geärgert.

Im öffentlichen Verkehr kommts für mich drauf an, ob ich das Gefühl habe, dass sich die Eltern um das Kind bemühen oder eben nicht. Dass ein Kind mal quengelt oder weint ist ja normal und solange die Eltern sich darum kümmern lässt sich das ja meistens recht rasch wieder in den Griff kriegen.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

So seh ich das halt auch. Bei Geburtstagsparties kann ich verstehen, dass man die Eltern einläd, aber die Kinder nicht. Aber bei einer Hochzeit? Das sollte ja kein wildes, schmutziges Besäufnis sein (dafür gibt's doch Polterabend und Junggesellenabschied :P), sondern ein gesittetes, aber doch fröhliches Fest. Naja.

In die Oper, ins Konzert oder dergleichen gehören kleine Kinder natürlich nicht. (Ich war auch nie mit Baby-Felix im Kino, obwohl Kleinstkinder im Tragetuch sich da angeblich ganz toll und friedlich machen. ABER WAS, WENN NICHT?!) Ist natürlich im Einzelfall bitter, wenn man Karten für Porgy und Bess hat und dann der Babysitter abspringt. Aber man hat ja dann (meistens) auch selbst nix davon - es sei denn, das Kind schläft bei der Overtüre ein und wacht erst beim Schlussapplaus wieder auf ;)

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

You know what, if that's sanity, I don't want it.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

I'd expect weddings to be family affairs (and by "family", I mean "for all age groups" as well as "yes, you have to invite nasty Aunty Marge and boisterous Uncle Paul too"), but you never know.

I actually felt uneasy about taking our kids to such a posh hotel (with no explicit "kids are welcome" policy), although it turned out to be no problem at all. But that's it - if I expect my kids will feel out of place and misbehave, I don't take them. I can't expect Felix to sit still through (say) a whole concert (although he loves classical music - but he wants to move around to it!). But a wedding? If he gets bored, I know that I'll have to entertain him, and I'll do that. But now? I'm actually a bit scared of what they mean by "we want to enjoy ourselves after all". Meh!

So far, I've made the experience that children travel and eat out pretty well, if they've "always done it". But apparently one is supposed to drop the children off at the grandparents before boarding a plane or entering a restaurant. Not sure whether these people are jealous because they were never taking places when they were children, or stayed home until the youngest child is 12 because they didn't dare to do otherwise, or whether they're just too caught up in their own world. Whatever!

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

I wish somebody had filmed it! But there may be photos.

I do know that at my grandmother's (dad's mother) funeral, my cousins and my brother and I (aged between 6 and 11) were all present. After the funeral feast, we played tag and hide-and-seek in the garden of the restaurant (across the road from the graveyard). I suppose some people might find that annoying or even morbid, so maybe that's why the grandchildren weren't invited. (Sandra - my oldest cousin - and I actually talked about that a while back and how we didn't find anything unsuitable about playing, shrieking and laughing after a funeral feast back then. We then talked to our parents, who actually said they didn't find it unsuitable either. The funeral feast is meant to be a transition from mourning the dead back to "normal life", and we supposedly helped with that? But I guess not everyone feels that way!)

[sermanya.livejournal.com]

Budapest is such a lovely place. Been there, worked there. Loved it. It's just as beautiful as Vienna, with all the architecture and the Danube and everything, but much more relaxed - noone telling you to "not step on the lawn" or other stupid stuff.
And then there's this oriental influence with turkish baths and hot springs and so on. I loved being there.

I'm a little bit disappointed that there are so few kids invited to our wedding. We just don't have many friends with kids. And most of them are not even old enough to walk. Which is sad. Because I love the trouble and noise and everything. Without children, the world feels so organized and dead.

[sermanya.livejournal.com]

Ich find's auch bei König der Löwen in Hamburg daneben. Also nicht prinzipiell Kinder und auch nicht prinzipiell, wenn Kinder im Musical die Eltern mal was fragen. Aber wenn die Kinder jede einzelne Szene lautstark kommentieren und wenn die Eltern doppelt so laut und doppelt so lang antworten wie ihre Kinder, dann krieg ich die Krise.

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

Budapest IS lovely. I was there on my graduation trip with the German LK and I still remember the thermal bath we visited (it looked like in Tomb Raider), the buildings and the delicious food.

Maybe this makes no sense to anyone but me, but it was so lovely to be among people who don't have their own children, yet never made you feel that the kids were unwelcome.

I can sympathize. Fortunately my friends are super awesome in that regard but in public spaces... phhh.

And yes, I can totally understand that people don't invite children to a wedding and can also be very annoyed when I'm at a place that is filled with screaming kids. But I always loved family gatherings for being crowded with people of every age and feel something is missing when children are excluded, even if I would not necessary interact with them all the time.

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

Without children, the world feels so organized and dead.

Beautifully said.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Musical fällt für mich auch in die Kategorie "Oper, Konzert oder dergleichen". Theater übrigens auch. ^^

Ausnahmen sind allerdings Kinderaufführungen, die es ja schließlich auch gibt. Wer in der Woche am Vor- oder frühen Nachmittag meint, in "Die Zauberflöte" gehen zu müssen, darf sich nicht aufregen, wenn er dann drei Vorschulgruppen und eine dritte Klasse um sich herum hat, die sich vielleicht nicht an die üblichen Opernhausregeln halten. Nicht mal in der Semperoper.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Not having enough friends with kids to invite is one thing. Having friends with kids and explicitly asking any kids to stay at home - including their own godchildren, btw! - is... well. Again, it's their wedding so we'll obey, but I'll rage a bit more about it in private! I doubt the feast is going to feel dead, but I also very much doubt that anything is going to happen that would be seriously disturbed either by toddlers or by energetic school kids. Bah! (Of course, I also like noisy kids a lot more than noisy adults, who are likely to be there. Bah again!)

But there were only very few children at the wedding in Budapest, too - Julian, Felix, and one boy who was around 11. And then some almost-grown-up girls. And it was still a very lovely party! :)