Today, we met the teacher.

[oloriel]

By the unfathomable algorithm that assigns the ~90 new kids to their teachers and classes, Felix was sorted into Raven class. This naturally amuses me a lot.

The meeting went well. I continue to be positively impressed, even if the teacher speaks a bit too emphatically slow for my tastes. (None of Felix' kindergarten teachers used or use a special "small children and fools" pitch. More's the pity, because one of the old ones had a voice like fingernails on a blackboard, and another spoke like a drill sergeant! So I guess there's worse things than emphatically slow. This teacher has a very warm and pleasant voice, at any rate.)

I also continue to be somewhat sad that the Flixster makes things a lot harder on himself than they need to be. I know that Felix starts to squirm and goof around and act absent-minded because he's embarrassed and anxious about doing something wrong, so he acts like he isn't interested at all, but of course that's exactly the sort of behaviour that leads to strangers thinking that he's a) trying to piss them off or b) on the spectrum (possibly both). But the teacher was a woman of great patience and equally great experience and cracked his shell pretty quickly by first showing him around the classroom and then challenging him to some reading and counting games. Since he likes to excel and feels comfortable about letters and numbers, that went well. (It's when he doesn't feel secure about something that his desire to be the best seriously gets in the way. Ah, that paralysing mixture of ambition and fear of failure, I know it so well!) Embarassing moment: When he made a mistake (not even a proper mistake, it was actually just a misunderstanding), he berated himself rather severely, and I expect the teacher now thinks that he's got that from us, the parents. Which is not true! The only thing he undoubtedly got from us is that dratted inner perfectionist! I keep telling him that it's alright to make mistakes and that mistakes help you to learn! Which the teacher duly told him as well, repeatedly. He acted as if it was a completely new idea. *sigh* Well, perhaps he needed to hear it from somebody else.
(When I suggested piano lessons or some other musical instrument to him, he said "No, I don't want to", and when I asked why, he said "Because I don't know how to do it!" Sweety, that's what lessons are about!)

At any rate, it is now established that Felix will probably start on the material for second grade in most fields. (First and second grade are in mixed classes and the material is adapted to different learning speeds anyway, so this will be very easy to do, logistically.) I had sort of hoped to avoid that because, because let's face it, emotionally Felix is more like only-just-five rather than almost-six, let alone seven like normal second-graders. But the teacher judges that he'd quickly be bored even by the more challenging first-grader material and it'd be unwise to hold him back. She's probably right. But the fact remains that he's already smaller than most kids his age, so when he habitually gets to work with kids who are actually older, it gets even harder to keep up. Physically and in terms of maturity! It's not his intellectual capacities I'm worried about. But at least his teacher is sympathetic - when I apologised for Felix' fidgeting and yawning at the end of the meeting, she just smiled sagely and said "We have to remember that he's still a very young child". Yes! That's something that's so easy to forget because he's so precocious sometimes, even for his doting parents and grandparents, and it was apparently impossible to grasp for the folks at his old kindergarten. So if this teacher can keep it in mind, that's worth a lot.

Next week, the whole class will assemble for the first time, and I'm glad he already knows his way around the room so maybe there'll be less need to play down his anxiety. Of course, I won't know! They'll meet without their parents present! TERRIFYING THOUGHT! My baby! My snowflake!

What went less well is that in the end, because Felix is still a very young child, he scuffled with his even younger brother and thus forgot to take along the notebook the teacher gave him to playfully work on his penmanship. Embarrassing, that. I hope she found it and keeps it until next week's get-together...

Comments

[heartofoshun]

Oh, lord! He's gonna be fine. I know, because it's as though someone took my two kids, with all their virtues and flaws, and put them in one body. I'd probably adore Felix. He sounds so familiar to me!

I like the sound of his teacher--the voice thing would bother me a little, but I'd be able to let it go. I had an aunt (my favorite aunt actually and a teacher!) who spoke to children with extreme articulation and a voice loud enough to reach the kid fidgeting in the back of the room. It drove my dad crazy when he heard her talking to kids--a lot around our house!

I hope that everything goes well for Felix. It's probably not going to an easy ride, but it sounds like he will be in a good situation. Who wants a cookie-cutter shaped kid anyway? Not me! (Or is that just me accepting my fate--Alex is piece of work and I sincerely like him the way he is. So complicated!)

[oloriel]

A lot of what Felix does reminds me of your stories about Alex from a couple years back! They'd probably get on like a ship on fire.

If the voice thing is all, I'll definitely be able to let it go also. It just struck me as odd because she's the first to do this, and I'd have expected it from kindergarten teachers rather than an elementary school teacher (if at all). Or a nursing home nurse! XD But if it works in the classroom, that's fine with me.

I certainly don't want a cookie-cutter shaped kid, and if it were any less complicated, it probably wouldn't be so precious! At the same time, I don't wish my anxieties or some of my frustrating childhood experiences on him. I know I can't protect him, but I expect it's going to be painful quite often. Not afraid of the work, just afraid of the people I can't influence! But a sympathetic teacher is a good start, I hope.

[heartofoshun]

It reminds me of an old class-struggle ballad from my childhood with the lyrics which include:

Which side are you on boys?
Which side are you on?
They say in Harlan County
There are no neutrals there
. . . .

This is true for Alex and schools -- his teachers either adore him or out and out dislike him. There are no neutrals! It was that way for both Laura and the Avari also--so I know the script. Wow! Slightly differently-abled, but on the gifted side is a rough road to follow! If they were not so bright, I sometimes think teachers would, in general, be more sympathetic and patient--they are all just little kids. And I think the good teachers overshadow the bad ones--that's where the right school enters the picture. The wrong school tends to seek/favor the wrong teachers. Of course, I always thought I needed to hover to prevent the worst from happening! Still do even as a grandmother. And that is not good either.

[independence1776]

Aww, Felix. :( I hope the teacher is able to help him work through the perfectionism at least in part. But I'm thrilled to hear she understands he's still a kid and doesn't expect emotional maturity to match intellectual ability.

[oloriel]

It was like that for my brother, too. (I got some neutrals, but then, I was a meek little girl so it was probably easy for teachers to be indifferent rather than hostile. :P) I think you're on to something with the wrong schools gathering the wrong teachers. In fact, even the good teachers probably tend to give up and turn "bad" if their entire environment is rotten. I mean, it takes a lot of idealism, enthusiasm and stamina to be a good teacher even under the best of circumstances, so if the circumstances are discouraging, you probably end up discouraged or burned out.

I still feel the need to hover very much. It'll be hard to let go (a bit, at least) now that Felix is a school boy.

[dawn_felagund]

As a teacher, what triggers a kid to "misbehavior" is something I'd want to know, so if he acts out a little when anxious (not uncommon!), I would let her know. Also, I would hope that a first-grade teacher expects fidgeting and forgetfulness and yawning from a 5-year-old! What you described sounds like quite a few of my middle-grades (ages 10-14) students. I just sent a boy off to high school who routinely left his books, his papers, and his coat in my classroom on a daily basis, and before break, did a reading assessment with a girl who read to me while spinning nonstop in my desk chair. In short, I don't think you're being judged; skills like organization and keeping one's body calm require explicit teaching, and that will be something she will (hopefully!) work on with all of the kids. (I'm figuring out how to work on organization with my students next year because I'd imagine Felix could teach them a thing or two, they're so disorganized! :)

[oloriel]

We did talk about it! But your comment makes me feel better about it - less like "helicopter mom explaining away her kid's misbehaviour" and more like "cooperative mom helping the teacher to understand the kid" ;). She figured part of it out by herself anyway, after he got so angry with himself for having made a tiny mistake (based on a misunderstanding). And when Felix got restless and started yawning, she reassured him that school is exhausting for everyone, especially when everything is new. (After that came the reminder that he's still so young.) She seems to be way better at child psychology than the kindergarten teachers in the old place! Of course, the competition among elementary school teachers is fierce while kindergarten teachers are desperately sought after and more or less hired directly from the street at the moment, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised!

Task management is actually not one of Felix' fortes. But after all, there have to be a few things that he still has to learn! (Quite a lot of self-discipline is expected even in kindergarten kids around here, though - and a middle-grade student spinning on your desk chair without an explicit ADHS diagnosis would probably not be accepted even by the more forgiving teachers. I guess we can blame the Prussians for that. :P)

[oloriel]

I never really got mine under control, so if she manages to help him through that, I'm gonna ask how she did it! XD

Oh, yes. It's such a refreshing change and gives me hope for the next four (three?) years of his school career already.

[dawn_felagund]

Rest assured, that kind of information is enormously helpful. ;) It saves us from trying to figure it out for ourselves (while trying to simultaneously figure out x-number of other kids at the same time) and lets us be more effective in trying out strategies.

My chair spinner ... I don't know if she has an official ADHD diagnosis. I've not heard if she does. But it's very obvious that she would meet the criteria! She stays in her seat but squirms and fidgets constantly. I've gotten very used to teaching while she sits at her desk with her feet twisted up next to her ears!

Unfortunately, she has a combative parent with whom bringing up something like this would set off World War III ... and it's not worth it, since she copes just fine if she can sit how she wants (at her desk) and have something to fidget with. (Ironically, Combative Mom pursued an ADHD diagnosis with this student's younger brother, who shows none of the same behaviors.)

I tell my hyper girl on pretty much a weekly basis that if I can perfect a method for skimming off 1% of her energy and bottling it, then she and I are in business.

[oloriel]

Well, as long as she can cope fine with the classroom situation and it doesn't bother you, the other students or the other teachers, there is probably no dire need for a diagnosis. (Is my unqualified opinion!) Sometimes I get the impression that these are pursued far too readily anyway, just because a parent or a teacher is annoyed by the restlessness purely on the grounds that "this isn't how it should be" when it doesn't actually do any harm.

(In later life (TM), this seems to be a lot less relevant than in school. I recall university seminars in which fellow students were fidgeting a lot, toying with their stuff, or taking off their shoes and pulling their knees to their ears. Come to think of it, I had professors like that. And in creative professions, this seems to parse as "enthusiasm in motion" rather than "restless fidgeting" anyway. So is it really a problem for the students, or is their environment just too inflexible? Granted, I suppose if you have a class of thirty and five of them are constantly in motion, that can grate on a teacher's nerves. There are no easy answers, are there!)

LOL! I'd sometimes like an energy boost like that!

[dawn_felagund]

Well, as long as she can cope fine with the classroom situation and it doesn't bother you, the other students or the other teachers, there is probably no dire need for a diagnosis. (Is my unqualified opinion!)

I agree! Coming from a special-ed background, I'm very tolerant (more tolerant than most teachers) of unusual behavior. I mean, at my last job, the bar I wanted to clear was getting them all into the room, keeping them all in the room, and having them not try to kill each other. Those three things could produce enough of an audience that might listen to me and learn something. :D

Coming here, that means that I don't care if a kid wants to hold a stuffed animal or read in a beanbag or doodle while I'm talking.

She's a bright girl: a good writer who was slightly below grade-level at the start of the year in reading but who has since pulled herself up to grade-level. (That was the chair-spinning assessment!) So she's clearly able to make academic progress, even though if you tied her to a string she'd fly like a kite! She's in my after-school writers' club--one of it's most enthusiastic members, in fact. She's like a lot of kids in this area in coming from a poor and high-conflict family, so we're having to overcome a lot of bad social habits from home, but I saw her grow so much this year in academics and social-emotional skills ... I adore this kid if you couldn't tell, but I always have a soft spot for the challenging ones. :)

[oloriel]

God, I did so much doodling in class. A lot of teachers didn't mind because it was quiet, unobtrusive and they realised after a while that I was paying attention anyway, but there were a few who felt personally offended by it. It was a lot harder to sit through their classes. I was a good little girl (a lot more worried about social norms and fitting in than I am today! >:/ ) but I had to do something with my hands, ugh!

So I sympathise a lot with your student(s)! I guess it's telling that nonetheless my first thought was "That's not OK for students that age!". Something about internalising the expectations of a more unenlightened past, I guess.