oloriel | Oh, all right, all right, I give up.

The crack-pairing même of doom. With extra-cracky characters in between to make it interesting. Just because.
Stolen from everyone and their neighbour's cousin's daughter's girlfriend.

First, write down the names of 12 characters. Then read and answer the questions. You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use.

1. Atréju (Neverending Story)
2. Lord Asriel (His Dark Materials)
3. Fëanor (Silmarillion)
4. Sirius Black (Harry Potter)
5. Qui-gon Jinn (Star Wars)
6. Jonathan Lion (The Brothers Lionheart)
7. Isildur (Lord of the Rings)
8. Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)
9. Carrot Ironfoundersson (Discworld)
10. Wes Janson (Star Wars)
11. Acheron Hades (Thursday Next)
12. Maedhros (Silmarillion)

Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
Jonathan/ Acheron? Oh, Eru. That would be SO WRONG. NO. WAY.

Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Pretty damn hot, although there are hotter people on that list. But hey, it's Sirius. Hmmmmmm.

What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
Maedhros/Remus MPreg? Um. Firstly, I'd want to know how they got to know each other.
But if? Sirius would kill Mae. Fingon would kill Remus. Then Fin and Sirius would either kill each other or comfort each other for their losses. That sounds about right.

Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?
Carrot? Is there any reccommendable stuff out there?

Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Lord Asriel/ Jonathan Lionheart? No, but it would be really interesting to have someone try that.

Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
Qui-gon/Carrot or Qui-gon/Wes? Hm. I'd go for the latter, as at least they are from the same universe...

What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
Isildur walking in on Lord Asriel and Maedhros? Bwaaaaahahah. Isildur would die of brain-lock, convinced for all eternity that the Fëanorians are just one sick depraved lot. Probably he'd die by Lord Asriel's sword first, though, who would be quick to get the witness out of the way. And then declare all this perfectly natural now that we have the Republic of Heaven.

Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
Atréju/Remus? I don't think so. No, seriously, I don't.

Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.
Isildur/ Maedhros? OW. OW OW OW! A title? Um. Whatever. "On a Mountain High" or something. Go away.

What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?
Sirius deflowering Atréju?
Firstly, that Veil would have to have been a dimensional portal, by which Sirius would have been transported to Fantásien. Atréju would be out there, hunting or something, and find unconscious!Sirius, and take him home to heal him. Then comes ye goode olde 'Nurse falls in love with Patient'-plot, which ends with hot wizard/green-skin sexxors.
... oh Eru, that might actually work.

Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Isildur slash? I wouldn't be at all surprised. I mean, I'd read that too if there were good fics out there.

Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
Fëa het? Most likely. I mean, I do.

Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
Acheron? Well, as he is on

desperatefans, I suppose the answer to the writing part would be yes...

Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
Asriel/Sirius/Qui-gon? You know, I'd like to see them try.

What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
Wes Janson? *hysterical laughing fit* Yub yub!
That was easy.

If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose?
Remus? First thing that comes to mind would be Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon. But that's probably too easy, huh? Hm. Hijo de la luna, perhaps, although that wouldn't work too well.

If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?
Atréju/Jonathan/Maedhros?
Warning: This is a mad crossover, including two innocent juvenile characters and one mad one-handed elf. Which means, under-age sex, absurd plot devices, talk of amputations, and a bloodbath when Fingon finds out. Don't say I didn't warn you.

What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?
Aaaaaahahahah. Lord Asriel is far too serious for Wes. The other way round would be easy, but like this...?
"So, um. Want to look undignified with me?"
*shakes head in endless amusion*

When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
Qui-gon? Some time back. Like, five years or so. Which is actually a pity.

What is Six's super-sekrit kink?
Jonathan is pure and innocent and has no kinks. Certainly not his little brother.

Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?
Acheron shag Carrot? I wouldn't be surprised. Carrot wouldn't enjoy it much, though, because Acheron would make sure he wouldn't. I doubt Acheron would get drunk at all, so, sober.

If Three and Seven get together, who tops?
Fëanor/Isildur?
Fëanor. Most definitely. Probably even if Isildur tried to use the One Ring.

"One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.

"Atréju and Carrot are in a happy relationship until Carrot suddenly runs off with Sirius. Atréju, brokenhearted, has a hot ~~and painful~~ one-night stand with Acheron and a brief unhappy affair with Maedhros, then follows the wise advice of Qui-gon and finds true love with Fëanor."
*dies ded*
That. Would Never. Work. Never Ever. You could name it Infinite Improbability, and I might even read it because OME Sirius! And Maedhros! And Qui-gon! And Fëanor! But no one could ever, ever write that. ~~Anyone want to prove me wrong?~~

How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?
Isildur/Remus? Bwaaaahahah! It's impossible. But if it were possible to have that in canon? It would kind of hurt my Remus/Sirius OTP, but otherwise, why not.

Right. That was weird.