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Random Ranting
Feb. 5th, 2003 03:15 pmMy father killed my computer, so I'm back to my mental diary. Unless, as is the case today, I manage to get some time on my brother's PC.
Heck, it almost scares me how much I miss the internet - how much I feel that I'm missing something important when I can't get online for days in a row.
On the other hand, I get the same feeling when I can't find time to read a book for a while... this weird feeling that the story goes on while I'm not there to witness is. Help, while I'm sitting here writing my math exam, Frodo and Sam might already have reached Mount Doom. Oh no, while I'm running the same kata again and again, Lyra and Will might have been caught! I gotta get home, or I'll miss how Renie and the others finally make it into the Otherland network. And if this boring family reunion isn't over soon, Rogue Squadron will conquer Coruscant without me knowing. HELP!!! *rolls eyes*
Yeah well... what did Elfy say yesterday? Über-geek? Some truth in that...
And at least "here" actually something does happen in my absence. Books don't usually run away; but the web is changing all the time.
*sigh*
It is true that most likely, we are living in the best of times. Usually I can voice my opinion freely without being persecuted for it. I have a nice room in a nice home with a nice family. I have food enough, and I don't lack so much money it might get dangerous. I can read and write, in more than one language at that (though in most I'm not exactly fluent, neither when speaking nor when writing). I own more books than a medieval monastery (I suppose ;)), and cinemas, videos and dvds are accessible without difficulties. I am a woman (I'd rather say girl, but I'm almost 20 so maybe I should accept that the childhood days are over *sigh*), but I can do things that formerly were "typical men's stuff" like practice karate and judo and iaido (Japanese man's resorts, at that - we've come a long way...) and go to university. I have a vote at elections and a nice little car. It is possible to travel to pretty much any region in the world(alright, usually I don't have the money, but it is possible!). I can befriend whom I want and if I marry someday, I'll be able to chose my husband myself (I think). I'll have to work during the vacations, but that's fine. And while I'm learning for my Ethnology exam and the snow outside reaches the 25 cm mark, I can eat mango slices (how decadent *ggg*). I'm reasonably safe, and unless one day I drive too fast for my luck or catch some more or less exotic illness or get mugged or fall off a house or... alright, there's still a lot of danger, but the odds that I'll be able to celebrate my, say, 80th birthday aren't that bad after all.
So what do I complain? What do I miss? Where does the empty feeling come from that this world isn't so great after all?
Maybe it's just this. It's too easy. Maybe it really is the challenge that I miss. Maybe that's why I'm drawn to adventure, why I was a girl scout for quite a while, why I study martial arts, why I still climb trees and rocks although that's not compatible with my age (heck, why are only kids allowed to have all the fun?!), why I'm swimming in a lake while it's raining and a thunderstorm is nearing northwards, why I long for the stars, why I don't mind sleeping in a tent for four rainy days in exchange for three and a half days in Middle-earth, why I am not content with all the good stuff the 21st century has to offer. Humanity may have managed to make the processes easier, to get to the goal faster, only to see that it's the journey, not the destination, that matters. Or at least that's what I feel. Often, he question is more valuable than the answer. Often, I enjoy drawing a picture more than seeing it finished, although I LOVE seeing it finished (at least when it comes close to what I imagined *g*).
I am impatient and lazy, but I can't be proud of anything I've reached if I haven't struggled at least a bit to reach it, if I haven't challenged my fortune a bit (even if that is only starting to learn in the last week and even then not learn as much as I should *blink*)
*another sigh*
I don't even know why I'm writing this. I should be studying. The exam is on Saturday, and till then I should know all that stuff.
*deep sigh*
I WANT MY PC BACK!
Oh well, another point where I shouldn't complain. Once the dork from the PC shop is back (must have caught a virus, 'cause I can't imagine how else this guy could have become ill), I can pick up the computer... maybe in a week... *sigh*
Heck, it almost scares me how much I miss the internet - how much I feel that I'm missing something important when I can't get online for days in a row.
On the other hand, I get the same feeling when I can't find time to read a book for a while... this weird feeling that the story goes on while I'm not there to witness is. Help, while I'm sitting here writing my math exam, Frodo and Sam might already have reached Mount Doom. Oh no, while I'm running the same kata again and again, Lyra and Will might have been caught! I gotta get home, or I'll miss how Renie and the others finally make it into the Otherland network. And if this boring family reunion isn't over soon, Rogue Squadron will conquer Coruscant without me knowing. HELP!!! *rolls eyes*
Yeah well... what did Elfy say yesterday? Über-geek? Some truth in that...
And at least "here" actually something does happen in my absence. Books don't usually run away; but the web is changing all the time.
*sigh*
It is true that most likely, we are living in the best of times. Usually I can voice my opinion freely without being persecuted for it. I have a nice room in a nice home with a nice family. I have food enough, and I don't lack so much money it might get dangerous. I can read and write, in more than one language at that (though in most I'm not exactly fluent, neither when speaking nor when writing). I own more books than a medieval monastery (I suppose ;)), and cinemas, videos and dvds are accessible without difficulties. I am a woman (I'd rather say girl, but I'm almost 20 so maybe I should accept that the childhood days are over *sigh*), but I can do things that formerly were "typical men's stuff" like practice karate and judo and iaido (Japanese man's resorts, at that - we've come a long way...) and go to university. I have a vote at elections and a nice little car. It is possible to travel to pretty much any region in the world(alright, usually I don't have the money, but it is possible!). I can befriend whom I want and if I marry someday, I'll be able to chose my husband myself (I think). I'll have to work during the vacations, but that's fine. And while I'm learning for my Ethnology exam and the snow outside reaches the 25 cm mark, I can eat mango slices (how decadent *ggg*). I'm reasonably safe, and unless one day I drive too fast for my luck or catch some more or less exotic illness or get mugged or fall off a house or... alright, there's still a lot of danger, but the odds that I'll be able to celebrate my, say, 80th birthday aren't that bad after all.
So what do I complain? What do I miss? Where does the empty feeling come from that this world isn't so great after all?
Maybe it's just this. It's too easy. Maybe it really is the challenge that I miss. Maybe that's why I'm drawn to adventure, why I was a girl scout for quite a while, why I study martial arts, why I still climb trees and rocks although that's not compatible with my age (heck, why are only kids allowed to have all the fun?!), why I'm swimming in a lake while it's raining and a thunderstorm is nearing northwards, why I long for the stars, why I don't mind sleeping in a tent for four rainy days in exchange for three and a half days in Middle-earth, why I am not content with all the good stuff the 21st century has to offer. Humanity may have managed to make the processes easier, to get to the goal faster, only to see that it's the journey, not the destination, that matters. Or at least that's what I feel. Often, he question is more valuable than the answer. Often, I enjoy drawing a picture more than seeing it finished, although I LOVE seeing it finished (at least when it comes close to what I imagined *g*).
I am impatient and lazy, but I can't be proud of anything I've reached if I haven't struggled at least a bit to reach it, if I haven't challenged my fortune a bit (even if that is only starting to learn in the last week and even then not learn as much as I should *blink*)
*another sigh*
I don't even know why I'm writing this. I should be studying. The exam is on Saturday, and till then I should know all that stuff.
*deep sigh*
I WANT MY PC BACK!
Oh well, another point where I shouldn't complain. Once the dork from the PC shop is back (must have caught a virus, 'cause I can't imagine how else this guy could have become ill), I can pick up the computer... maybe in a week... *sigh*
