Let go?!

Was at practice. And I was told about a thousand times how I had to let go. I know that I'm way too cramped, that I try to hard - but hey, how the heck am I supposed to "let go" when they expect me to go to the German Championships in two months and have my dan testing in fall? How am I supposed not to try over-hard with that perspective? Sooo funny. And the harder I try to let go, the less I actually can let go. Obvious, isn't it?!
I really don't feel like going to a competition. I mean, I like Shiai, but... but... NOT SUCH A BIG ONE! And I always hated testings.
*sigh*

What the hell. Sensei says I go, so I go. Welcome to the good old dojo.

( Deutsche Fassung )