Revisited.
Mar. 1st, 2003 11:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olorielAnd the worst thing is, I cry way to often, and usually the trigger are the most trivial things.
I realized that my relationship with the man I love had no future not because he had a girlfriend all the time, no, I could ignore that more or less easily.
But when we planned to go to a movie together (yeah, guess which one) and it didn't work out and a week later he went to see it with her -
then it all broke down and I realized for the first time that there really was no point in it. Because of a stupid movie. Not because I hardly saw him, and if, only for a day. No. Because he went to see the movie with his girlfriend that I wanted to watch with him. A movie. *headshake*
I searched for a book that's out of print for some decades for a friend who loved this book. I finally found it, ordered it, got it.
Turns out he, too, got it by now. Someone went to some really big library, copied all the pages, and gave them to him for Christmas. I searched for an actual copy for months.
I also got to know today that one of the guys I knew from my first days at my home forum died two weeks ago. He wasn't even 18, I think.
And yet I cried more because of the damned book.
And again, I feel all the worse for it.
Dunno. Looks like too much spare time isn't good for me. It's better when I don't have the time to think so much. Obvious lack of organization. Damn it, I'm too old for this shit. I'm almost 20. Time to get a grip, isn't it?
I realized that my relationship with the man I love had no future not because he had a girlfriend all the time, no, I could ignore that more or less easily.
But when we planned to go to a movie together (yeah, guess which one) and it didn't work out and a week later he went to see it with her -
then it all broke down and I realized for the first time that there really was no point in it. Because of a stupid movie. Not because I hardly saw him, and if, only for a day. No. Because he went to see the movie with his girlfriend that I wanted to watch with him. A movie. *headshake*
I searched for a book that's out of print for some decades for a friend who loved this book. I finally found it, ordered it, got it.
Turns out he, too, got it by now. Someone went to some really big library, copied all the pages, and gave them to him for Christmas. I searched for an actual copy for months.
I also got to know today that one of the guys I knew from my first days at my home forum died two weeks ago. He wasn't even 18, I think.
And yet I cried more because of the damned book.
And again, I feel all the worse for it.
Dunno. Looks like too much spare time isn't good for me. It's better when I don't have the time to think so much. Obvious lack of organization. Damn it, I'm too old for this shit. I'm almost 20. Time to get a grip, isn't it?
