EUROVISION TIME!
May. 18th, 2013 09:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olorielBecause time-honoured traditions have to be, um, honoured... here be Lyra's annual Eurovision liveblog. All in one post for the sake of your f-lists. Slight time-lag because we're watching it on timeshift. OK! All set?
Here we go! (TBC as proceedings... proceed. I need a thesaurus?)
Preliminaries
Who I hope will win: Iceland. I dunno, that song is just pleasant and calm without being boring?
Who I expect to win: Denmark.
Who I fear might win: The Netherlands. I love you, Netherlands, but I hate your song. I'm sorry.
"We write the story": ... whoa, Sweden, this ain't the Olympics! Anthem sounds rather church-y; and was the flag-carrying strictly necessary? Yes, it's very solemn. A bit too solemn in the face of all the Europop and over-the-top show acts and fireworks and smoke machine fog we're about too face. Or is it supposed to be bathetic?
- Also, Peter Urban (the German commentator) seems to like men in skirts? Good for him.
Petra Mede (I ALWAYS WANT TO TYPE MERDE HELP) is pretty in pink tonight? It could be worse. She could be wearing the horrible black-and-gold thing she was wearing on Thursday.
LOL, did people really expect an ABBA reunion for the ESC? U so unrealistic!
OK, the Show Proper!
France
LOL, "eine bluesige Rocknummer". (That's what Peter Urban said. The joke is that it can either mean "a blues-y rock song" or "a shirt-y skirt song". Teehee.)
It's... ok? Not really my kind of music, but it works.
Lithuania
After the shirt-y skirt song, we get a song about... shoes! Shoes of love and pain (or Spain?)! I can only assume that this is actually a poetic metaphor in Lithuanian, and just sounds horribly silly in English. Kind of like Nightwish's obsession with "pull the plug"? Other than that, sounds like the sort of 90s music I tend to find overrated. Felix seems to like it, though.
Moldova
Dramatic ballad time. Actually quite enjoyable. With a telescopic volcano robe. So over-the-top it's quite cool.
Finland
So she's singing this for her boyfriend, but smooching her background singer? Or the other way round? I am so confused. Other than that, Barbie Europop w/ veil. Do not need.
Spain
Bagpipes. And a pleasant song that sounds vaguely Celtic. And wow, the lead singer has really gorgeous legs. Nice gown, too. Wee, I like this!
Belgium
Less breathing, more singing, eyebrows. I mean, sure you need to breathe, but not like that! Annoying background dancers. Annoying song. Love is a serial killer, apparently. Someone should do something about that?
Estonia
Cute pregnant lady singing a cute ballad. Sounds nice, actually. Less points for overusing the fog machine.
Belarus
You're annoying me with your tinsel dress and you're horribly annoying song. Somehow the singer doesn't even seem to enjoy singing it, and if she doesn't believe in her song, who does? Oh well, maybe she is pissed off with her government and doesn't WANT to win? That would be a good reason.
Malta
If only he could stop grinning perpetually and maniacally, I might actually like this. It's cute. But I just want to punch that grin. I'm sorry, Gianluca.
Russia
Classic cheesy Eurovision peace-and-love ballad. One of the better ones, I suppose.
Germany
Look, I know that professional musicologists analysed this and decided that it's not plagiarising last year's winner, but I'm sorry, the chorus? Is at the very least heavily inspired by "Euphoria". But less subtle. Oh well, at least the singer seems to be having fun.
Armenia
Oh look it's Jesus and the wind machine! With not enough power in his voice for the song. Could've been okay, but falls terribly flat as it is. I liked the cute little flamebursts, though.
Petra Mede and that pink dress. I just... WHAT.
BTW, when on Thursday we were watching the second Semi-final on BBC because we thought the British commentators might actually be less annoying than the German ones. Actually, they were WORSE. Anyway, at some point Ana Matronic said something along the lines "I wonder if Petra Mede's French sounds to the French like her English sounds to us" and mocked her. AHAHAH YOU SHOULD HEAR YOUR OWN SWEDISH. Pro tipp: City ain't named Melmow...
Netherlands
I think what I dislike so much about that song is the Emo-Geknödel. I can't stand Lana del Rey's voice either, and it's the same thing. Emooooooo. Blaaaah. Go away and take your dead birds with you.
Romania
CAMPEST CAMP THAT EVER CAMPED. In the most awesome way possible. It's like... Sauron, Lord of High Notes! In his sparkly black sequin robes! With his phallic glowy crystal lamps! Soprano Sauron! Seriously, how can he sing like that? That is fantastic! I can totally ignore the stupid lyrics. ("Love! Is so bright! Like a diamond in the light!") I mean, I'm a woman and I can't sing like that. I shall go and weep in a corner now.
If Iceland doesn't win, I hope Romania does.
UK
HOLDING OUT FOR A ZERO LOL
OK seriously, actually not bad. Nice little ballad, but dragging on a bit. A little less Botox, a little more power, perhaps?
Sweden
You, on the other hand, should stay away from those high notes. Also, yodelling is now Swedish? Would be boring if it didn't grate on the nerves so much.
Hungary
OK, now THIS is boring. Boooooring. Trite and flat and boring and bad fashion sense. Blaaah.
Danmark
This is apparently a favourite with the bookies. It's not really bad, definitely got a nice rhythm, it's catchy, too. But fairy lady's breathy singing is kind of annoying. I wish that stopped being fashionable. Also, that is rain of fire, not teardrops.
Iceland
is sending Thor! Well, Eythor. Same difference. Such a sweet ballad! I suspect it would be cheesy if it were English or German, but in Icelandic it just sounds so pleasant and homely. Still my favourite, despite the awesomeness that was Romania.
Azerbaijan
is trying to make their un-outstanding song interesting by background dramatics. In a box. With rose petals. Is that a spine on her robe? I'm sorry, what were you singing?
Greece
Those guys really look nice in their skirts. That's about the only positive thing you can say about this song. Though I admit that it's kind of catchy? And I guess with their financial situation, you need all the solace you get?
(DISCLAIMER: No, I do not recommend drowning your sorrows in alcohol. For more than one day.)
Ukraine
IT'S A GIANT! But he only does some light lifting and disappears. OK song that would work nicely with a movie. Like Pocahontas IV or something. Without the movie, it kind of seems to be trying too hard?
Italy
I get that he's trying to make some sort of point by standing there all alone with no background, no support singers, no show, no fog machine, not even a flamethrower and just sings about "The Essential". But I'm not sure that's how Eurovision works. Peter Urban sure as hell didn't get it.
Norway
Margaret is singing a kind of... scary song about feeding someone her love. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. Also she kind of looks like she's cosplaying futuristic Danaeris Targaryen. I have no idea what to make of this.
Georgia
This song has got it all, i.e., too much of everything. Dramatic Euroballad! Romantic gown! Light effects! Random geysirs! Rain of Fire! Using up the world's supplies of dry ice! (Yes, I stole that from the Beeb guys. Deal with it.) And yet... it's kind of boring.
Ireland
Good thing that love survives, if the Norwegian Mother of Dragons wants to feed it to us. Unpleasant voice. Can we send the singer out and just have the drummers?
Intermission
That pink gown is by Jean Paul Gaultier. Go figure.
EUROPE, START VOTING NOW! And may the odds -- wait no, I made that tasteless joke last year. Never mind.
Isn't the custom normally that the winner repeats the winning title? Nothing wrong with this Loreen song, but I had kind of hoped that they'd repeat the performance of Euphoria with the adorable kids they had on Tuesday? That was lovely. Oh well, there's always YouTube, I guess.
Also, Loreen, are you applying for the job of Grey Avatar? Nice try, but we're not currently hiring. We'll keep you in mind though?
There is Euphoria now! I have to admit, I didn't like it much last ESC, but it's really grown on me since then.
Look, Petra Mede changed her dress! I hope no baby seals were killed in the making of that bolero.
... dancing köttbullar. Now I really believe I have seen it all.
Green Room blah blah. I want results.
I had no idea "The Winner Takes It All" was about Eurovision...?
The Votes Are In
NO NOT GREECE WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THAT?
Belgium?! LIKE WHUT?
Aww, Israel gave five points to Germany! FORGIVENESS! *ducks and runs*
At least now Denmark is in the lead. I can deal with that if I have to. But why is Iceland doing so poorly? And Romania isn't faring much better. Boo.
Nobody can tell me that the Balkan block vote is not a thing.
VOTE FOR ROMANIA DAMN YOU.
12 points from Germany to Hungary? WHAT ABOUT HIPSTERS DO YOU LIKE, COMPATRIOTS?! (At least there were 8 points for Iceland, too.)
This is Europe! Someone has a wardrobe malfunction and nobody cares!
Denmark it is, then! That's ok. I just wish that Romania and Iceland had scored better. Instead of mediocre Azerbaijan and Ukraine and stuff. Instead of emo Netherlands and hipster Hungary! :(
What does Peter Urban like about the Greek song? Aside from the guys' stylish skirts?
Ok. The rest is silence. I mean, teardrops! All the teardrops for Iceland andSoprano Countertenor Sauron. ;_;
PS: You can see all the performances from the grand final on YouTube, Eurovision has kindly put up a playlist!
Here we go! (TBC as proceedings... proceed. I need a thesaurus?)
Preliminaries
Who I hope will win: Iceland. I dunno, that song is just pleasant and calm without being boring?
Who I expect to win: Denmark.
Who I fear might win: The Netherlands. I love you, Netherlands, but I hate your song. I'm sorry.
"We write the story": ... whoa, Sweden, this ain't the Olympics! Anthem sounds rather church-y; and was the flag-carrying strictly necessary? Yes, it's very solemn. A bit too solemn in the face of all the Europop and over-the-top show acts and fireworks and smoke machine fog we're about too face. Or is it supposed to be bathetic?
- Also, Peter Urban (the German commentator) seems to like men in skirts? Good for him.
Petra Mede (I ALWAYS WANT TO TYPE MERDE HELP) is pretty in pink tonight? It could be worse. She could be wearing the horrible black-and-gold thing she was wearing on Thursday.
LOL, did people really expect an ABBA reunion for the ESC? U so unrealistic!
OK, the Show Proper!
France
LOL, "eine bluesige Rocknummer". (That's what Peter Urban said. The joke is that it can either mean "a blues-y rock song" or "a shirt-y skirt song". Teehee.)
It's... ok? Not really my kind of music, but it works.
Lithuania
After the shirt-y skirt song, we get a song about... shoes! Shoes of love and pain (or Spain?)! I can only assume that this is actually a poetic metaphor in Lithuanian, and just sounds horribly silly in English. Kind of like Nightwish's obsession with "pull the plug"? Other than that, sounds like the sort of 90s music I tend to find overrated. Felix seems to like it, though.
Moldova
Dramatic ballad time. Actually quite enjoyable. With a telescopic volcano robe. So over-the-top it's quite cool.
Finland
So she's singing this for her boyfriend, but smooching her background singer? Or the other way round? I am so confused. Other than that, Barbie Europop w/ veil. Do not need.
Spain
Bagpipes. And a pleasant song that sounds vaguely Celtic. And wow, the lead singer has really gorgeous legs. Nice gown, too. Wee, I like this!
Belgium
Less breathing, more singing, eyebrows. I mean, sure you need to breathe, but not like that! Annoying background dancers. Annoying song. Love is a serial killer, apparently. Someone should do something about that?
Estonia
Cute pregnant lady singing a cute ballad. Sounds nice, actually. Less points for overusing the fog machine.
Belarus
You're annoying me with your tinsel dress and you're horribly annoying song. Somehow the singer doesn't even seem to enjoy singing it, and if she doesn't believe in her song, who does? Oh well, maybe she is pissed off with her government and doesn't WANT to win? That would be a good reason.
Malta
If only he could stop grinning perpetually and maniacally, I might actually like this. It's cute. But I just want to punch that grin. I'm sorry, Gianluca.
Russia
Classic cheesy Eurovision peace-and-love ballad. One of the better ones, I suppose.
Germany
Look, I know that professional musicologists analysed this and decided that it's not plagiarising last year's winner, but I'm sorry, the chorus? Is at the very least heavily inspired by "Euphoria". But less subtle. Oh well, at least the singer seems to be having fun.
Armenia
Oh look it's Jesus and the wind machine! With not enough power in his voice for the song. Could've been okay, but falls terribly flat as it is. I liked the cute little flamebursts, though.
Petra Mede and that pink dress. I just... WHAT.
BTW, when on Thursday we were watching the second Semi-final on BBC because we thought the British commentators might actually be less annoying than the German ones. Actually, they were WORSE. Anyway, at some point Ana Matronic said something along the lines "I wonder if Petra Mede's French sounds to the French like her English sounds to us" and mocked her. AHAHAH YOU SHOULD HEAR YOUR OWN SWEDISH. Pro tipp: City ain't named Melmow...
Netherlands
I think what I dislike so much about that song is the Emo-Geknödel. I can't stand Lana del Rey's voice either, and it's the same thing. Emooooooo. Blaaaah. Go away and take your dead birds with you.
Romania
CAMPEST CAMP THAT EVER CAMPED. In the most awesome way possible. It's like... Sauron, Lord of High Notes! In his sparkly black sequin robes! With his phallic glowy crystal lamps! Soprano Sauron! Seriously, how can he sing like that? That is fantastic! I can totally ignore the stupid lyrics. ("Love! Is so bright! Like a diamond in the light!") I mean, I'm a woman and I can't sing like that. I shall go and weep in a corner now.
If Iceland doesn't win, I hope Romania does.
UK
HOLDING OUT FOR A ZERO LOL
OK seriously, actually not bad. Nice little ballad, but dragging on a bit. A little less Botox, a little more power, perhaps?
Sweden
You, on the other hand, should stay away from those high notes. Also, yodelling is now Swedish? Would be boring if it didn't grate on the nerves so much.
Hungary
OK, now THIS is boring. Boooooring. Trite and flat and boring and bad fashion sense. Blaaah.
Danmark
This is apparently a favourite with the bookies. It's not really bad, definitely got a nice rhythm, it's catchy, too. But fairy lady's breathy singing is kind of annoying. I wish that stopped being fashionable. Also, that is rain of fire, not teardrops.
Iceland
is sending Thor! Well, Eythor. Same difference. Such a sweet ballad! I suspect it would be cheesy if it were English or German, but in Icelandic it just sounds so pleasant and homely. Still my favourite, despite the awesomeness that was Romania.
Azerbaijan
is trying to make their un-outstanding song interesting by background dramatics. In a box. With rose petals. Is that a spine on her robe? I'm sorry, what were you singing?
Greece
Those guys really look nice in their skirts. That's about the only positive thing you can say about this song. Though I admit that it's kind of catchy? And I guess with their financial situation, you need all the solace you get?
(DISCLAIMER: No, I do not recommend drowning your sorrows in alcohol. For more than one day.)
Ukraine
IT'S A GIANT! But he only does some light lifting and disappears. OK song that would work nicely with a movie. Like Pocahontas IV or something. Without the movie, it kind of seems to be trying too hard?
Italy
I get that he's trying to make some sort of point by standing there all alone with no background, no support singers, no show, no fog machine, not even a flamethrower and just sings about "The Essential". But I'm not sure that's how Eurovision works. Peter Urban sure as hell didn't get it.
Norway
Margaret is singing a kind of... scary song about feeding someone her love. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. Also she kind of looks like she's cosplaying futuristic Danaeris Targaryen. I have no idea what to make of this.
Georgia
This song has got it all, i.e., too much of everything. Dramatic Euroballad! Romantic gown! Light effects! Random geysirs! Rain of Fire! Using up the world's supplies of dry ice! (Yes, I stole that from the Beeb guys. Deal with it.) And yet... it's kind of boring.
Ireland
Good thing that love survives, if the Norwegian Mother of Dragons wants to feed it to us. Unpleasant voice. Can we send the singer out and just have the drummers?
Intermission
That pink gown is by Jean Paul Gaultier. Go figure.
EUROPE, START VOTING NOW! And may the odds -- wait no, I made that tasteless joke last year. Never mind.
Isn't the custom normally that the winner repeats the winning title? Nothing wrong with this Loreen song, but I had kind of hoped that they'd repeat the performance of Euphoria with the adorable kids they had on Tuesday? That was lovely. Oh well, there's always YouTube, I guess.
Also, Loreen, are you applying for the job of Grey Avatar? Nice try, but we're not currently hiring. We'll keep you in mind though?
There is Euphoria now! I have to admit, I didn't like it much last ESC, but it's really grown on me since then.
Look, Petra Mede changed her dress! I hope no baby seals were killed in the making of that bolero.
... dancing köttbullar. Now I really believe I have seen it all.
Green Room blah blah. I want results.
I had no idea "The Winner Takes It All" was about Eurovision...?
The Votes Are In
NO NOT GREECE WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THAT?
Belgium?! LIKE WHUT?
Aww, Israel gave five points to Germany! FORGIVENESS! *ducks and runs*
At least now Denmark is in the lead. I can deal with that if I have to. But why is Iceland doing so poorly? And Romania isn't faring much better. Boo.
Nobody can tell me that the Balkan block vote is not a thing.
VOTE FOR ROMANIA DAMN YOU.
12 points from Germany to Hungary? WHAT ABOUT HIPSTERS DO YOU LIKE, COMPATRIOTS?! (At least there were 8 points for Iceland, too.)
This is Europe! Someone has a wardrobe malfunction and nobody cares!
Denmark it is, then! That's ok. I just wish that Romania and Iceland had scored better. Instead of mediocre Azerbaijan and Ukraine and stuff. Instead of emo Netherlands and hipster Hungary! :(
What does Peter Urban like about the Greek song? Aside from the guys' stylish skirts?
Ok. The rest is silence. I mean, teardrops! All the teardrops for Iceland and
PS: You can see all the performances from the grand final on YouTube, Eurovision has kindly put up a playlist!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 01:38 am (UTC)Thanks for the review. I will use your list to look up some of the others and see if I can ferret them out on Youtube or somewhere.
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 06:11 am (UTC)Oh, on another point entirely, a lot of people do not realize there are plenty of areas in Spain with bagpipes and Celtic influences--I always think of Galicia, but that is not the only example.
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 09:03 am (UTC)Glad you got some entertainment out of this taste of European culture! Actually, "we" are a lot more laid-back - but for the Eurovision Song Contest, everyone tries to outdress, outsing and outshow the other. With entertaining results.
I really don't like the voice of the Dutch singer. But I also don't like the voice of Lana del Rey, which I think is very similar. (Or to be fair, it's probably not the voice as such - it's what they do with it.) Most other people seem to adore it, though, so you're not alone!
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 07:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 08:49 am (UTC)But that's okay. De gustibus...
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 09:02 am (UTC)Ich mag den Klang von Ungarisch. Da is vielleicht ein bissl Sentimentalität dabei, weil ich mal ein paar Monate in Budapest war und ohhh, es war soooooooooo schöööööööön!
Texte hab ich gestern keine mehr verstanden ;)
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 09:07 am (UTC)Aber wenn man natürlich schöne Erinnerungen an ein Land hat, verzeiht man ihm sicher eher einen schlechten Grand Prix-Beitrag. ;)
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 09:11 am (UTC)Traurig fand ich bei dem Rumänen, dass er nicht mehr draus gemacht hat. Das ging interessant los, dann geile Steigerung und dann... immergleiches Weitergeplätscher. Der Ungar hat das Plätschern als Stilmittel verwendet. Romantisches Schrummschrumm. Lagerfeuerromantik. ok. Aber aus dem rumänischen Beitrag wär SO VIEL mehr herauszuholen gewesen. :/
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 09:33 am (UTC)Echt? Bei dem Rumänen wüsste ich jetzt nicht, was man da noch hätte draufsetzen können! XD
no subject
Date: 2013-05-19 09:41 am (UTC)Ich denk, dass der Rumäne zu viel einfach nur vollgas drauflos gesungen hat. Für mich wär der Song noch genialer geworden, wenn er zwischendurch mal eine Verschnaufpause gemacht hätte, vielleicht mit der Tonlage nochmal runtergegangen, ruhiger geworden wäre, um ein zweites Mal steigern zu können und mehr Spannung und Abwechslung in den Song bringen zu können.
Ich fand den Anfang wie gesagt total geil, aber dann hat's irgendwie an Spannung verloren.