My amazing children (skip if you don't care for yet more baby stories :))

[oloriel]

After weeks of suffering from sore, swollen gums, Julian got his two lower front teeth at once. Nobody takes me seriously when I tell them this, because they tend to not notice the tiny little incisors, until Julian takes their fingers into his mouth (he still loves to chew on things) and, instead of tough but round gums, they feel sharp little teeth...

He has developed a keen interest in the world and grabs for everything within reach. Or without reach. In the latter case, he is very impatient if he can't reach what he's trying to get, and complains loudly. He will also complain if evil grown-ups decide that whatever he's trying to grab isn't something Baby Julian needs to grab (breakable plates, knives, the TV remote control). He also loves to see food. He correctly identifies eatable stuff, even if he's never seen or tasted it before, and smacks his lips or starts to suck in his cheeks to signify "HUNGERRR!" Unfortunately, he's very bad at eating so far. He pretty much refuses "proper" baby food, so I'm offering him soft-cooked carrot sticks and the like instead, which he loves to chew on, but swallowing is as yet a hit-and-miss game. As often as not, the piece of carrot, apple, potato or whatnot will be pushed out of his mouth, in a state that doesn't invite a second attempt. He also lusts for things he can't have, like potato crisps or grapes, if he sees Felix or one of us eat them. It's sort of hard to distract him from it...

The first reduplicated sounds appear, though they're not yet his favourites. But there are some recurring ones: "ning-ning", "le-le" or "me-me" (all sounds of annoyance), and "ba-ba" (a friendly sound, and presumably going to turn into "mama" and "papa" soon).

He also sounds like Baby Vader because he caught one of the colds that Felix brought home from Kindergarten.

* * *

Felix has succesfully taught himself to read, and is beginning to teach himself English - spoken and written. *facepalms slightly*

He has made a friend in Kindergarten. To be fair, I actually think the friend has been making him, but at any rate he hugs her back, goes hand in hand with her, and plays with her. As it's a little girl, everybody keeps making "cute" remarks re: they're going to marry soon! Hahaha. Ha. I for my part am just glad that he has a friend in Kindergarten at all. He actually tends to be friendly towards younger children (including D., the little girl who has apparently adopted him as a sort of bodyguard), but he's rather indimidated by those who are the same age or a bit older. For the record, he's comfortable with "much" older kids, i.e. school age kids. Pediatrist and Kindergarten teachers keep harping on about how he should be interested in same-age kids and we need to watch it, but if I'm honest, in Felix' place I'd be intimidated by those boisterous, braggy boys, too. (Not even boisterous and braggy in a bad way. They're four-year-olds, after all! But it's not behaviour that Felix feels comfortable with, and their interests don't well match his, either. He doesn't yet watch LEGO Star Wars, and he doesn't want to be a policeman or firefighter yet, either.) So he just doesn't know how to deal with them, and tries not to. He's fine with younger kids, to whom he likes to show things, or older kids, from whom he tries to pick up things. So he's not inherently antisocial, dammit!

When Felix has accepted a rule, he'll stick to it 100%. This can even be a little ridiculous, like when in the morning, he can't get up and come down the stairs on his own. This is obviously residue from when he was too young to go down the stairs without supervision, but he's internalised it and boy, does he stick to it. Other moms tell stories about how their kids emptied their entire Advent calendar in one go, or how, at any rate, the contents of some doors would be mysteriously missing. Doesn't happen here. Felix internalised that Today is the 15th, so I take the treat with 15 on it, and nothing else; tomorrow I can have the treat with 16 on it. He keeps watch on his father's advent calendar, though, because Jörg sometimes forgets to empty it and you can't still have the treat for the 13th in it when it's already the 14th! --
It also has its downsides, though. In Kindergarten, they already marked him as "challenged in his gross motor skills" because he wouldn't jump down from benches or vaulting boxes: He'd stay there and weep until someone helped him down. - He's perfectly capable of jumping down benches. But his grandmother, terrified of injuries, had taught him not to jump down walls and things unless someone was giving him a hand. That was a rule and he was sticking to it, and he had to be explicitly told that It's OK To Jump before he gave it a try. They didn't tell him that; they just expected him to jump, because That's What Normal Children Do.

When Felix hasn't yet accepted a rule, he'll test it for all it's worth. I'm actually assuming that this is normal behaviour in three-year-olds, because aren't those also called the Terrible Threes? But his Kindergarten teachers regularly complain that he says "No" or "I won't" a lot. So? Don't they all do that? And what am I supposed to do about it? He does it at home, too. All we can do is repeat the rule until he has accepted it, or grown out of it. Isn't that just the way it works, always?

I'm a bit tired of translating between Kindergarten and Felix, in case you didn't guess. I suspect they're just a little overtaxed with a boy who's emotionally and biologically three years old, but intellectually five. (Psycho counsellor's assessment, not mine.) Well, so am I! And I manage it, too! And I'm not a trained educator, damn it!
I know that most parents who're told that they're children are "trouble" like to blame others, and I tried not to do it, but by now, I do tend to go They Just Don't Understand My Precious Pebble, too. At some point, it becomes self-defence.

At least he's consistently using the first person now. That helps him a lot because at least they know he's talking about himself now. Still doesn't make them understand that when he says "Please change my diapers", he wants a new diaper. IDK. I guess they don't expect someone who's so eloquent still to need diapers? (He occasionally uses the toilet at home, but only at home, and only for pee, and only when he feels like it. Still, it's a start.) He also uses the advice I've given him for situations that make him angry - intead of throwing a tantrum when somebody wants to help him with something he wants to do on his own, he now shouts "NOOOO!" and then politely adds, "Thank you, I can do that on my own." When somebody gets into his comfort zone, he'll shout "No! Please leave me alone!" But I can't anticipate everything.
Besides, now they complain that "He always says 'No'!" Well, it's better than hitting, I should think?

You just can't win.

EDIT:
Oh God, now he's trying to learn Italian, too.
Send help.

Comments

[silver-trails.livejournal.com]

Hey, I finished with your Christmas fic! It's posted here:

http://silver-trails.livejournal.com/510066.html

I've read your post. I have no advice but be patient, with everyone. Socializing is a complicated process. He seems to be a nice and intelligent boy.=)

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥

Thank you so much! And I think your Haleth is pretty much spot-on; that would be her greatest concern.

He can be extremely nice. He can also be a pain in the ass. But aren't all people, sometimes? Yeah, patience is probably of the essence. ^^

[silver-trails.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked her! It's my first time writing Haleth, so I was a little worried. =)

All children can be like that. But they are a joy too. :)

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Exactly! :)

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

I love hearing about your boys.

I have NEVER had same age friends, only in the last ten years or so have I made friends near in age to me, but they are all older or younger.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

I always had friends of the same age -- but of course, "of the same age" is getting more fluid as years pass. In Kindergarten, "of the same age" still means "born in the same year" - a few years later, "born within the same three-year span" will do, and yet later, everything that's in the same decade will do. (These days, sometimes I'll happily believe that a 22-year-old is in the same age group as I am. Then she'll say something like "Oh, I wish I could've seen TTT in cinemas back then, but I was too young", and the illusion is shattered!)

At any rate, I really don't think it should be an issue when he has some friends who are 2 or 6, but none that are 3 or 4. Who cares, as long as he has friends at all?

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

My best friend now is three years younger, but I grew up with friends of my parents' generation as I could not play with children due to health issues as every cold I caught turned to pneumonia.

I think it absurd if "Experts" fuss about a year or two!

Please keep sharing stories of your boys.I love to hear about them.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Yeah. You'd think it's important that kids make friends at all, but not whether those friends are of the same age and sex! (Because it has to be three-year-old boys. Everyone pokes fun at his friendship with the little girl D. You'd think that we're past that these days, but nooo.)

Don't worry, I don't think I'll be able to shut up about them! Glad I'm not driving you away with it. :)

[sermanya.livejournal.com]

Ich hab das Gefühl, dass es irgendwie komisch ist, dass Kinder heutzutage immer in Gruppen mit lauter Gleichaltrigen gehalten werden (SCHULE!) Ich habe an mir und meinen Geschwistern beobachtet, dass ich (die Älteste) in meiner sozialen Entwicklung immer ein bisschen hinten dran war, während mein Bruder (der Jüngste) immer ein bisschen voraus war. Ich hab mich eben an den Vorbildern um mich orientiert und die waren entweder gleich alt (Schule) oder 3-5 Jahre jünger als ich (daheim). Bei meinem Bruder war's genau umgekehrt.
Ich finde es nur gut und eigentlich auch recht gesund, wenn sich Kinder an älteren orientieren und von ihnen lernen wollen.
Mit Gleichaltrigen bin ich auch nicht klar gekommen. Das war bei mir schon ein eher bedrohliches Zeichen, dass mit mir was nicht gestimmt hat. Ich war von meiner Familie, von meiner Erziehung her, einfach nicht mit denen kompatibel. Ich habe zu Hause Regeln gelernt, die in 99% der anderen Familien nicht so gelebt wurden (in meinem Fall war's hauptsächlich, dass meine Mama ultra altmodisch, überbehütend und wesentlich intellektueller drauf war als die anderen Mütter). Das hat dazu geführt, dass ich mich so verhalten habe, wie's mir meine Mutter beigebracht hat und dass mich die anderen Kinder "komisch" gefunden haben und mich nicht mochten / nicht mit mir gespielt haben bis hin zum Mobbing. Insofern denke ich, dass der Hinweis, dass man das beobachten sollte, nicht ganz falsch ist. Allerdings kann man sich als Mutter dann auch wieder nicht komplett verdrehen und komische Erziehungsmethoden von anderen übernehmen, wenn man die partout nicht gut findet, nur weil's halt eben gerade so üblich ist oder weil andere Mütter zu bequem sind, um auf irgendwelche Dinge in der Erziehung zu achten, die einem selber wichtig sind.
Hast du Austausch mit anderen Eltern aus dem Kindergarten? Bei uns im Ort gab's eine "Mütterrunde", in der sich die ganzen Frauen mit Kindern ähnlichen Alters getroffen haben und über dies und jenes getratscht haben. Die treffen sich übrigens bis heute - nur jetzt halt eher zum Nordic Walking oder ins Kino gehen ;)

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Ich finde es jedenfalls komisch, dass es komisch sein soll, wenn Kinder sich gern (lieber) mit Andersaltrigen umgeben. In normalen Alltagssettings (Familie, Nachbarschaft) kommt es doch eher selten vor, dass alle Kinder gleich alt sind...

Deine Geschichte erinnert mich sehr an meine Unter- und Mittelstufenzeit. Seltsamerweise bin ich in der Grundschule nie bewusst angeeckt. Da war es kein Problem, eine übermotivierte Schülerin zu sein, dabei unsportlich und verträumt, und trotzdem Bandenanführerin zu werden. Das Gymnasium war dann ein Kulturschock. Fleiß und regelmäßige Kindergottesdienstbesuche waren plötzlich total uncool, gern Röcke tragen ging gar nicht, man musste eine Lieblings-Boyband haben und entweder Borussia Dortmund oder Bayern München gut finden, und abschreiben lassen war plötzlich nicht mehr "schummeln", sondern Pflicht, sonst war man ein Streberschwein. Die Anpassung hat dann ziemlich lang gedauert bzw. nie so ganz funktioniert.

In der Oberschule war es dann wieder egal bzw. die Außenseiter hatten sich untereinander angefreundet. Aber in der Mittelstufe habe ich immer mit den Mädels aus der Klasse meines Bruders (2 Jahre unter mir) abgehangen, weil ich mit den Gleichaltrigen einfach gar nicht klargekommen bin.

Ich denke aber, dass man sowas auch nicht erzwingen kann und sollte. Beobachten sollte man (ich), ob er ÜBERHAUPT Freundschaften knüpft, aber nicht, ob die nun gleich alt/klug/stark sind.

Die anderen Eltern aus dem Kindergarten sehe ich bislang eher nur beim Abholen und Hinbringen. Muss gestehen, dass mir das bei den Allermeisten auch reicht - auch wenn ich ihnen damit vielleicht Unrecht tue. Aber zumindest bei den kurzen Treffen haben wir halt kaum gemeinsame Themen (abgesehen von "Kind"). Wenn sich da zwei ausgiebig über ihr Weihnachtsschmuckshopping unterhalten, stehe ich nur daneben und frage mich, ob die beiden wirklich jedes Jahr komplett neue Weihnachtsdeko kaufen. Macht man das so? Schmeißt man die alte nach Weihnachten weg und kauft neu, weil, nächstes Jahr sind die Sachen ja aus der Mode? Meine Weihnachtsdeko ist über Jahre hinweg zusammengesammelt und wird jedes Jahr wieder liebevoll verpackt bzw. aus ihren Kisten geholt! -- Und wenn das schon bei einem so harmlosen Thema wie Weihnachtsschmuck derart auseinander geht, wie soll's dann erst bei komplexeren Themen werden?

Ich hab auch eher den Eindruck, dass die alle auf viel mehr achten, als ich für nötig halte. Wenn sich z.B. deren Kinder beim Mittagessen im Kindergarten geschlabbert haben, dann werden sie beim Abholen noch in der Kita frisch angezogen. Wenn Felix beschlabbert ist, behält er den dreckigen Pulli bis zum Schlafanzuganziehen an, es sei denn, er ist durchnässt oder es steht irgendetwas Formelles an. Aber sonst: Was soll's denn? Felix geht auch nicht jeden Abend um Punkt 7 ins Bett, wie das Andere für nötig halten. Ich begreife nicht, wieso Eltern ihre Kinder am Wochenende oder bei Festen zur gleichen Zeit ins Bett schicken wie an Werktagen. Jaa, Kinder brauchen Regeln, aber erstens ist "Werktags bis 7, Wochenende bis 9" auch eine Regel und zweitens verstehen Kinder durchaus auch, was Ausnahmen sind.

Bisher habe ich da also wenige getroffen, die ich näher kennenlernen wollte. Daher bin ich da auch nicht aktiv. Das wird sich natürlich ergeben, wenn Felix mal Freunde besuchen will, ich denke z.B., dass wir bald mal die kleine D. zu uns einladen oder bei ihr einen Besuch machen.

Austausch mit anderen Eltern habe ich sonst eher bei der Familienkirche. Da gehen die Kinder aber leider in andere Kindergärten (wir haben ja im evangelischen keinen Platz gekriegt und sind jetzt im städtischen) bzw. schon zur Schule. Daher weiß ich ja auch, dass Felix mit älteren Kindern lieber in Kontakt tritt. ^^

Der "harte Kern" der Elternpflegschaft aus meiner Unter- und Mitterstufenklasse trifft sich auch bis heute zum Stammtisch bzw. einmal im Jahr für eine Städtereise. Wir Schüler dagegen haben bestenfalls noch sporadisch Kontakt (oder auch nicht, weil ich kein Facebook hab :P)...

[cowboy-r.livejournal.com]

As a nurse, a couple of the things you've said here raise flags for me. Have you had Felix evaluated for Ausberger's or other Autism spectrum issues?

Naming a thing is not the same as understanding it, but sometimes, it can help making progress toward understanding, and finding effective ways to deal with the thing.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Not yet. We're still at the point of getting the pediatrist to have a look at it. But yes, it's something we're going to have checked. By now, I'm not actually sure I believe in him being on the Autism spectrum (because many of the issues that have popped up in the past have been redressed by simply telling him how to deal with it, and I was under the impression that it would be rather harder for someone on the spectrum, though obviously, I have no clue), but it's useful to know for sure, either way.
It'd help with getting insurance to cover any social skills classes he might need, at any rate. :P

[meril.livejournal.com]

warning: not advice but anecdote, and if you do want to get in touch with my mom and get parenting advice for gifted three-year-olds that's 34 years out of date, let me know... :)

My mother says she had the same problems with me and the pediatrician actually recommended enrolling me in a preschool that had lots of other intellectually curious 3- and 4-year-olds. It was a few blocks from our house, too. Then we moved to the suburbs and I had to go to a regular preschool and I was bored, so bored, so very very bored and acted up all the time.

Are there any sort of other "enrichment" or playgroup things with local parents around who are dealing with the same sort of kid?

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

That was exactly the advice that the psychology counsellor gave us, so it doesn't seem to be outdated ;).
Unfortunately, that sort of thing doesn't exactly exist around here. In Köln, Düsseldorf or Bochum, yes, but our region (which is in between all these places, all of which are about an hour's drive away) seems to deal purely with kids who are "behind", not "ahead" of their developmental schedule. So it sems we'll have to come up with something ourselves. (It's not yet a problem to feed his intellectual appetite. It is a problem to combine this with fostering his social skills. >_>)

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

Wow! Felix is really a precocious one. I know it can be a two-sided medal so I wish you all the best for dealing with it. (Throw some Japanese at him? ;))

Sheeplets friends (if I can call them friends in that age - maybe rather her peer group?) are all other than her and she thrives because of it. So it totally makes sense for me that Felix looks for children he can either learn from or teach things to.