Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

[oloriel]

So here's the thinky rambley post.

Due to money issues and family issues and health issues and stuff, I've been thinking about the future a lot in the past weeks.

In spite of the unclear childcare problem (which I suppose could be organised if I actually had a job), I applied for a few jobs. Part of the problem, of course, is that I'm not really qualified for anything specific. That's OK because there are too many things that interest me (museums! publishing! education! specialised journalism! gardening! crafts! history! ---) so as long as I'm not qualified for any one thing, I can try applying for everything (as well as related stuff, like event management or marketing or what-have-you) and see how the dice rolls. Except it just keeps rolling, of course, because nobody looks for a professional universal dabbler.
Oh well.

Occasionally, ideas pop up that have nothing at all to do with my unspecific academic background, or anything I ever planned on doing. For some reason, these ideas like to grab hold, and I think them through a lot, and then never do anything about it.

That doesn't mean I don't believe in those ideas (I tend to do). It probably does mean that I'm a bit of a coward.

For instance, take the most recent one.

Backstory: The neighbouring town - my birth town - has a falconry. Their buildings burned down a few years ago, but they've rebuilt (better!) and made a succesful new start. They're looking for someone to run their restaurant. In fact, they've been looking for half a year, and for some reason, nobody is buying. (The place is a bit off track, but only if you look at cars. It's in the middle of a hiking & horseriding areal, and of course there are the visitors to the falconry who might fancy a bite. You can get there by car, too, no problem; you're just not going to drive by by chance.)

And here I am, getting tempted.

I'm not a professional chef. I love cooking and experimenting with food, but I neither have the training nor, if I'm honest, the stamina to survive in a professional kitchen, so I'd probably burn out faster than Fëanor after he ran into those Balrogs. I'd love running a restaurant, specifically one that provides regional, seasonal and - if at all possible - fair, organic food, the kind that changes its menu every couple of weeks and uses ingredients that have gone all but out of memory, the stuff I'm growing in my garden anyway (there'd be room for a kitchen garden on the falconry's grounds, too). I'm reasonably sure that I could come up with dishes people like. I can cook for maybe 10 people. 50 if we're talking about a barbecue. But a whole restaurant with room for more than 100 people? Ahahahahah. No.

So let's bin that thought, I tell my inner Center of Impossible Ambitions (CIA).

Well, says the CIA, don't do it alone then. Delegate. Employ a couple of chefs and aides and you're just, like, the creative head. You can have everything you want, but you don't have to shoulder it alone.

Yeah right, I tell the CIA. Because as a start-up new restaurant head, I'd totally have the means of hiring good chefs and service staff and what-have-you. Of course. I'm not even fit to get a bank credit.

You'd need money to hire the restaurant in the first place anyway, says the CIA. So plan bigger. Let's be honest, you could try to do it on your own but aside from burning up, the results are definitely better if you've got a team.
Actually, there's a thought, how about making it a refugee project? Haven't you been dreaming anyway about setting up some sort of refugee inclusion project?

Well, yes, that gardening idea, but --

That way the town and country and church would support it, and you'd also do a great lot of good. I mean, even better than the organic, regional, seasonal food stuff.
And of course, there are online kickstarters and stuff. How about trying one of those. Hopefully, the internet is full of people who'd support an organic, regional, seasonal, refugee-including restaurant, even if the banks aren't.

You know, that sounds awesome, I tell the CIA. And I'd like to do that. But what about the kids?

Well, while you're already employing people, how about a day-care lady, too? Maybe your chefs and aides can benefit from that, too. I mean, other people have children as well.

Yeah, I guess that could work, says I. But if I decide for this road, that'd forever close the door to all those academic things I'd also like to do. Like, museum?

Pffff, says the CIA. You could turn your kitchen garden into a Museum of Old Plants. Like, the ProSpecieRara [German Seedsavers] stuff you're doing in your home garden? Do it on a professional scale! You can put your own art on the walls. You can have an exhibition about the history of, um, falconry. FALCONRY. Did I mention that it would be on the grounds of a FALCONRY? Like, you could meet real living birds of prey? Every day? As a job?

What's not to love, I sigh. And you know what, I guess I could run it. But I'd have to get all sorts of information first. About employing people in general and employing refugees in particular. About the necessary requests and permissions and whatnot, I mean, I don't even know what it all involves. About professional kitchen-ing. About professional gardening, for that matter. About accounting. About taxes. About everything. And I hate having to deal with administration, and I'd have to do it on a laaarge scale. All that effing paperwork. And I'm not really cut out to be a manager, either. I mean, all those people I'd have to interact with. And all that stuff I'd have to plan. And I'm not a leader.
Though it would be awesome, if only I could set it up.

Yes, says the CIA. So think about it.

And I do.

And generally, that's all I ever do. Think about it. Enthusiastically and with deep longing. And the idea hangs in the air like a brilliant large soap bubble. But I don't, in the end, do anything about it, because I'm afraid that'd make the soap bubble burst.

(But it would be awesome. If only I could get someone else to set it up.)

- - -

While I was typing this up, I noticed that the museum that I did a few seminars with while I was still studying is looking for a research assistant. So maybe I'll rather just write another application. Because the soap bubble might burst. And because I am a coward.

Comments

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

That does sound like fun and I can just imagine how lovely it would be. With you eye and your taste it would be the kind of place that I would absolutely love to visit.

That said, argh! Restaurant work! It is so hard and the hours, however much staff one has a crazy, no matter how many employees one could afford. One of my closest friends for years had a successful restaurant in Greenwich Village for years. He finally wore out. Just too much work. He raised his daughters there. There were there doing their homework in their own little corner of his kitchen for years. They loved it and were very close to him as a result.

I do think that thinking big is great. Everything amazing starts with an idea.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you! *blushes*

Yeah, I'd probably just open on the weekends and holidays, perhaps one additional week day. I imagine that would make it more easily manageable, especially since the restaurant wouldn't stand alone but the garden would also have to be tended. Maybe one could have a bistro part with sandwiches & stuff for visitors to the falconry that's open more often (i.e. whenever the falconry is open) and isn't quite as high-maintenance as a posh restaurant.

Everything starts with an idea, but eventually, one has to start putting ideas into practice. That's what I'm really bad at.

[independence1776]

because nobody looks for a professional universal dabbler.

I hear you on that one.

Good luck, no matter what you decide to do!

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

[cowboy-r.livejournal.com]

1) The die rolls; the dice roll.

2) Banks like good business plans. Write up a heck of a business plan and give it a shot.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

1) Wow, I hadn't even realised that "dice" was exclusively plural until today! You never know. ^^

2) But the eternal question begs asking: What if I fail? It rather does look like biting off more than I can chew!

[cowboy-r.livejournal.com]

1) Evidence suggests that a fair number of native speakers don't realize that, either. It's something that may be in the process of changing. I, however, am a curmudgeon who hews to the One True Linguistic Way. At least when it comes to my dice.

2) Isn't it better to fail doing something you care about than to not try? And I suspect that you won't fail. You may feel overwhelmed sometimes, but that's the feeling of learning taking place.

[satismagic.livejournal.com]

*GLOMPS you*

I think my husband and I have opened a hundred restaurants and pubs in our dreams over the last twenty years... but none in real life. So I really hear you about all those ideas (how about running a bed & breakfast? and selling homemade jams at the market? and getting into making and selling organic potpourris? and we totally could breed cats!)

I hope you find the right job for you and your family situation soon. ♥

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

At least you DID run an art show! And work in a museum! :/

If we were living closer to each other, we could team up. Maybe as a triumvirate, we'd get into action. That's one of my excuses, anyway, "I can't do all that on my own!"

*glomps back*
Thank you.♥

[satismagic.livejournal.com]

Living closer to you would be awesomesauce... *sigh* FLOO POWDER! BEAMING! DAMMNIT!

I actually have a new project this winter, though (hopefully). I'm offering an offline writers' workshop at the community centre. *fingers crossed that I'll get enough participants (and that it won't turn out a giant failure)*

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

See? You're doing something! *weeps a bit*

I'm sure it won't be a failure - there may be some veeery interesting expectations from the participants (as well as some seriously odd ideas and some hidden treasures)! At least that's what every Creative Writing seminar at university has made me expect...

[http://users.livejournal.com/macalla_/]

Hm. Zumindest hier in Österreich musst du das gelernt haben um eine entsprechende Genehmigung zu bekommen. Ich weiß aber nicht, wie das bei euch aussieht. Ich hab drei Monate in einem Restaurant gearbeitet und HAB auch eine fertige Lehre. Wenn dann würde ich das nur als Bistro machen wollen. Ansonsten kommst du mit 12 Stunden Arbeitszeit nicht aus.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Das ist hier anders. Man braucht einen Gewerbeschein und muss natürlich Kurse zum Lebensmittelrecht usw. absolvieren, aber eine Ausbildung in der Gastronomie ist nicht zwingend nötig (auch wenn die sicher sehr nützlich wäre, aber das würde für so ein Projekt halt viel zu lange dauern).

Ja, so etwas dachte ich mir schon. Deshalb würde ich "in echt" wohl auch - zumindest für den Anfang - nur an Wochenenden und Feiertagen, ggf. noch einem zusätzlichen Wochentag - öffnen. Oder eben, wie du sagst, das Ganze eher als Bistro aufziehen. Urgk, es gibt so viel zu bedenken!

[ellynn-ithilwen.livejournal.com]

*fingers crossed for the right job*

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

I'm toying with self-employment since a while and currently run a few classes to get me further.

Have you checked out the IHK pages and look at their classes? There are tons of places to get help from. You'd have to get a few certifications first but consider that the IHK lets you shorten the training to two years because you have Abitur.

https://www.ihk-nordwestfalen.de/wirtschaft/aus-und-weiterbildung/ausbildung/themen/ausbildungsberufe-a-z/restaurantfachmann-frau/

https://www.ihk-berlin.de/aus_und_weiterbildung/Ausbildung/Infos_fuer_Ausbildungsbetriebe/Der_Ausbildungsbetrieb/ausbildungsvertrag/Ausbildungszeit_Verkuerzung/2282178

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Die Neugierde fragt: Als was planst du denn, dich selbstständig zu machen? Irgendwas, was ich auch kann? WIR KÖNNTEN UNS ZUSAMMENTUN! (Gott, ich bin so anlehnunsbedürftig...)

Eine gesamte Ausbildung wär mir zu zeitaufwändig, für die Idee, die ich da oben beschrieben habe, müsste es ja relativ schnell gehen. Aber in so einen Wochenendkurs zu Lebensmittelverarbeitung und -hygiene könnte man ja mal investieren - das müsste ich dann ja sowieso nachweisen... hm!
Danke für die Links jedenfalls!

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

Inzwischen plane ich nicht mehr, sondern habe es gemacht, aber ich befürchte es ist ziemlich unkompatible mit dem was du dir da so erdacht hast (freie Journalistin).

Ich muss noch nachlesen, was bei dir so passiert ist und ob du überhaupt noch in die Richtung willst, aber bei Bedarf kann ich da gern mehr erzählen.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Hihi, ja. Dafür ist es aber sehr dicht an dem, was ich tatsächlich mache (freie Texterin), von daher würde mich dein Hintergrundwissen auf jeden Fall interessieren. Ich bin da ja eher durch Zufälle reingerutscht und wäre nie drauf gekommen, mich mal "professionell" durch die IHK darauf vorzubereiten - daher gibt's wahrscheinlich eine Menge Dinge, die ich besser machen könnte.

Ach, es ist wie üblich eine Menge passiert, aber nichts (in der Hinsicht) Maßgebliches. Das Problem ist ja auch, dass es so viel gibt, was ich gern machen würde, dass ich am Ende immer doch beim Status Quo bleibe. Nach dem Motto "mit einem Provisorium legt man sich wenigstens nicht fest"... :P

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

IHK war das auch bei mir nicht, es war eine Fortbildung zum groben Thema Online-Redakteur (das, was ich auch jetzt mache, siehe neuestes Post) und es war Zufall, dass mein E-Marketing-Modul sich so auf Selbstständigkeit als Dienstleister konzentriert hat :) wenn du das schon eine Weile machst gibt's sicher nicht mehr viel was ich dir noch sagen kann, außer vielleicht wie man sein Gewerbe online besser vermarktet und Kunden findet.

Ahaha, ja, das kenn ich. Es musste bei mir auch erst ein großer Schubs von außen kommen, der mir dann die benötigte Schubkraft gab und freies Texten ist in meinem Fall ja exakt das, was ich machen möchte.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

außer vielleicht wie man sein Gewerbe online besser vermarktet und Kunden findet.

Gott, ja.

Texten an sich macht mich ja auch glücklich und ist eigentlich auch ein guter Kompromiss (statt mich für eins meiner Interessen dauerhaft zu entscheiden, kann ich über ALLE schreiben, yeah!). Ich lebe ja eigentlich eh durch (und für?) das Schreiben, daher passt das schon gut. Ich würd's nur halt am liebsten nicht mehr freiberuflich machen, weil ich auf die steuerliche Verantwortung und auf die Auftragssuche echt gut verzichten könnte. Und so, wie es momentan läuft, ist es halt ein bisschen so wie bei dir im alten Job: Die Mühe, die man sich gibt, wird kein bisschen gewertschätzt, sondern im Gegenteil als selbstverständlich vorausgesetzt. Und echt lausig bezahlt. Und wenn man's zu dem Preis nicht macht, dann macht man halt gar nix, weil die immer einen anderen Deppen finden, der den Job dann trotzdem macht. Und überhaupt.

Naja. Ich hab mich letzte Woche gerade mal unserem Stadtmarketing und einem regionalen Magazin angeboten, vielleicht wird das was. Wenn die nicht gleich finden, dass ich gnadenlos überqualifiziert bin, haha. Das eine wäre eine geringfügige Festanstellung, das andere freier Journalismus, aber wenigstens mit einem festen, verlässlichen Auftraggeber. Das wäre mir ja schon viel wert.

[chili-das-schaf.livejournal.com]

Das eine wäre eine geringfügige Festanstellung, das andere freier Journalismus, aber wenigstens mit einem festen, verlässlichen Auftraggeber.

Ganz genau das. Ohne den hätte ich das auch nicht gemacht. Und ich hab den Vorteil dass ich Jobs von einer Freundin vermittelt bekommen habe, wo die Preise zwar jetzt nicht Reichtümer sind, aber völlig ok. Da musste ich gar nicht selbst suchen.

Zu Emarketing kannst du mich gern bei mir drüben ausfragen :)

[ljusastjarnan.livejournal.com]

*crawls out of the woodwork*

My boyfriend is currently looking to go into r&d with the eventual plan of starting his own business, and he's currently taking a course on business management to that end. Perhaps you could look into something similar? Probably specifically for managing a restaurant, where you *will* be taught professional kitchening, accounting, taxes, managing employees, etc.

Back when I used to work as a waiter for a restaurant, that was the route my boss and the restaurant owner went. He worked together with another manager, and I think their vision worked out really well for them. There was a lot of hard work, though. They trained us from the ground up, and they lost a LOT of money. Being in debt when you start a business is to be expected, and it's hard work that takes you out of it.

I get you with the whole risk thing. I was just telling my bf today, that I could not take a risk like that, even if the potential rewards were MUCH higher than the safe route I'm currently taking.

What if you fail?

I'm so terrible at dealing with failure. Always have been.

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

The risk of failure is the one big thing that keeps me back every single time. I don't mind learning new skills. I don't mind working hard. But I don't think I can take the strain of another massive debt that it'll take decades to get out of (if we ever get out of it). We're doing that in our "spare time" (haha) with the house renovation, and so far none of our hard work is showing any signs of saving us. I can't fight in two places at once, especially since failure in one place would automatically mean that the other comes tumbling down as well. Little failures, I'm getting used to. But failure on a catastrophic scale is not something I want to risk open-eyed.

So what I'm doing is hope that over the course of the next years, I'll be able to get on the safe route and make enough money to get some breathing space. And if, in a couple of years time, the idea of a restaurant is still looking this shiny and attractive, I can still act on it then. The falconry restaurant may no longer be available then, but other opportunities will arise. Right?

[ljusastjarnan.livejournal.com]

iirc, Germany has free tertiary education?

I'm a bit torn on failure, and what to do with it, tbh. On one hand, it's crippling, but on the other, without that risk, I wouldn't ever be able to crawl out of my hole of mediocrity. Or not mediocrity, but not where I want to be either.

Not having a safety net is a whole other matter, though. Especially when you already have a lot of responsibility, I can 100% appreciate taking the safe route.

Other opportunities will absolutely be there!

[oloriel.livejournal.com]

Not where I live. I mean, our tuition fees would probably be considered pittances in other countries and there are ways in which you can get the costs covered by the work agency etc., but these don't apply to me (officially, my husband earns too much -- nobody gives a damn how much of that money immediately disappears in insurance, the house debt and other fixed costs, because that's our personal problem). At the moment, even that "pittance" is substantial for me, and not something I can invest if I am not 90% sure it's going to pay off.

The sad thing is, there is no safe route, really. There's just "spend next to nothing and make a very little", or "spend a bit more and maybe lose it all". Maybe win it back and then some, too, but right now it's irresponsible to try.

They will - it's just so damn frustrating looking for them! <3

[ljusastjarnan.livejournal.com]

I like the Australian model of tertiary education; it's not free, but the loans don't have interest and are more or less an investment that you are only expected to pay back once you've reached a certain level of income. Free education is probably far too much a strain on the government and taxation.

I suppose there is the unpredictability aspect of opportunities, and that's what is crippling. What if opportunities don't come? What if lady fortune is a jerk to me? askdjfhakjsd.

But no yeah there is mitigation, and dependence on your starting situation.