When there are many things to tell
May. 4th, 2016 08:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olorielwe usually lack the time to do so. But I'll try to make a start, at least!
Firstly, thank you very much to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday! It was an OK day. Because it was a birthday, OK is disappointing. Your messages made it a little more special, so I really, really appreciate them. I'll try to thank you all personally, but in case I'll take a bit longer to do that, I already wanted you to know that I'm very grateful. <3
A very happy belated birthday to everybody whose birthdays I missed! Especially![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hamnar, of whom I was today reminded because bossman told me to contact "our IT guy", but not to be surprised because "he lives in the Far East".
Moi: "You mean the Near East?" (Most of the new guys on the team are from the Near East, except for new boss colleague, who is from the Ruhr area.)
Bossman: "No, the Far East. Saxony. What's it called. Here, thingy, Freiberg."
And I thought OMG FREIBERG IT GUY CAN IT BEhamnar?! OH CRAP YOU FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY!
It wasn't him, but I still felt really guilty!
So yeah, "the team" and "colleague" and "bossman". I'm a grown-up Hobbit now, which apparently included stumbling into a job. That was another funny thing. You may remember that I've been freelancing for a regional magazine. Just after Easter, I got a call from bossman that he wanted to talk to me about something. So I, feeling apprehensive, went there. First, bossman plucked an article by me to pieces. Then he asked how I was envisioning my future with their magazine. I thought Oh, here goes, I'm gonna get the boot, so there was nothing to loose, so I said "Well, if I get to make a wish, I'd like permanent employment, really. But I can only work part-time because of my kids."
Bossman: "How many hours part-time?"
Moi: "Like, 20?"
Bossman: "Well, you can't replace S. (the editor in chief) on 20 hours."
Moi: *WTF HAVE YOU SECRETLY BEEN OFFERING ME THE EDITOR IN CHIEF POSITION WTF WTF* "Yeah, I know."
Bossman: "We can call it a traineeship though."
Moi: *WTF WTF*
BUT I am apparently a ~raw diamond~ and bossman is a ~visionary~.
The proper technical German term is Volontariat, which sounds like volunteering, which isn't really what it is - it's a paid traineeship. The misleading term comes from the olden days when teens, being not yet of age, were put into apprenticeship by their parents, whereas you put yourself (voluntarily) into a Volontariat, which generally requires having finished university (at which time you have come of age, even in the olden days when the legal age was 21). Anyway. I got myself into a voluntary paid apprenticeship?
I basically came back home from that only to learn that in fact, the mother-in-law won't be able to look after the kids even 20 hours a week (+ driving) after all. So either I'll get them kindergarten or daycare spots REALLY SOON (hahahahahahaha) or the traineeship will be over before it really started. Haha.
(Also, this is basically ALL MY PROBLEM. Because Jörg has OTHER PROBLEMS. Guess who encouraged me to apply for stuff BEFORE the childcare situation is securely resolved? DING DING DING! To be fair, Jörg has been fighting pneumonia the past weeks, but it was ALL MY PROBLEM before the pneumonia hit him, too.)
The editor in chief has been replaced by the guy from Dortmund. Who is nice. But although he's got more job experience, I don't really feel that he's more qualified than I am. Except in that his wife takes care of his daughter. So he can work full time. So he is boss colleague and I am the trainee. BECAUSE I'M A GIRL.
Before you can get your feminist boots of rage on (and believe me, I'm sometimes tempted to do so), I have to admit that it can be quite a relief to be only the trainee. Like, boss colleague had to stay in the office until 19:30 today because Something Important (TM) came up. Whereas I managed to leave at 5 pm, yay.
Or today:
Bossman: "And one of you can coach the Syrian guys."
Boss colleague and I: "AHAHAH WE'RE JUST FINDING OUR OWN FEET HERE!"
Bossman: "C., can you do that?"
Moi: "Um, not sure I can do them justice in my time here?"
Bossman: "OK, J., you do it! You can start by organising this and that appointment ~"
Boss colleague: "....... I'm just finding my feet?"
I'M SO HAPPY I'M A GIRL.
The Syrian guys are the result of bossman being a ~visionary~. It's not enough that he's running a regional magazine that manages to do decent journalism in the middle of nowhere. He also wants to run a regional magazine for refugees. Awesome plan! But do you have to start a complicated new project when your editor in chief is leaving the team and you have to teach two newbies the ropes? Except with the whole new editorial team for the additional magazine, there actually are six newbies on the team? With whom you not only have to set up a whole new thing, but also battle German bureaucracy? YMMV.
BUT it's been tremendous fun so far. Which is very dangerous, because I'm like "eh well, I'd be blogging now anyway, so I can as well feed the magazine's Wordpress calendar a bit". So I keep on working at home. Instead of updating you all on the EXCITING THINGS going on in my life. (I'm trying to be positive and say EXCITING rather than SCARY CRAZY.) I'm terrified it won't work out in the long run, because I like the job description and, in spite of the warnings from the parting editor in chief, think bossman is pretty cool. And finishing a traineeship would certainly be useful in the future. Still not certain that I want to be a journalist forever, but at least it's high on the list of things I want to do. Even though I'm already discovering that I'm actually lacking the ambition to be more than a ~raw diamond~. I'm happy with being a ~raw diamond~. It must be tiring being a Silmaril.
Speaking of which, when I came home all exhilarated after the traineeship offer only to be met by indifference and awkward news, I had to go and write a lot of awkward, repetitive Nerdanel and Fëanor bickering for Golden Days. The new chapter is now 9 pages long, completely stuck, and probably a horror to read. I haven't yet had the heart (or time) to give it a second look. The trouble with writing as a job is that I can't really turn to writing as a leisure activity anymore.
Anyway! Exciting times. I hope I'll figure out the childcare issue. And the work/life balance thingy.
Firstly, thank you very much to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday! It was an OK day. Because it was a birthday, OK is disappointing. Your messages made it a little more special, so I really, really appreciate them. I'll try to thank you all personally, but in case I'll take a bit longer to do that, I already wanted you to know that I'm very grateful. <3
A very happy belated birthday to everybody whose birthdays I missed! Especially
hamnar, of whom I was today reminded because bossman told me to contact "our IT guy", but not to be surprised because "he lives in the Far East".Moi: "You mean the Near East?" (Most of the new guys on the team are from the Near East, except for new boss colleague, who is from the Ruhr area.)
Bossman: "No, the Far East. Saxony. What's it called. Here, thingy, Freiberg."
And I thought OMG FREIBERG IT GUY CAN IT BE
hamnar?! OH CRAP YOU FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY!It wasn't him, but I still felt really guilty!
So yeah, "the team" and "colleague" and "bossman". I'm a grown-up Hobbit now, which apparently included stumbling into a job. That was another funny thing. You may remember that I've been freelancing for a regional magazine. Just after Easter, I got a call from bossman that he wanted to talk to me about something. So I, feeling apprehensive, went there. First, bossman plucked an article by me to pieces. Then he asked how I was envisioning my future with their magazine. I thought Oh, here goes, I'm gonna get the boot, so there was nothing to loose, so I said "Well, if I get to make a wish, I'd like permanent employment, really. But I can only work part-time because of my kids."
Bossman: "How many hours part-time?"
Moi: "Like, 20?"
Bossman: "Well, you can't replace S. (the editor in chief) on 20 hours."
Moi: *WTF HAVE YOU SECRETLY BEEN OFFERING ME THE EDITOR IN CHIEF POSITION WTF WTF* "Yeah, I know."
Bossman: "We can call it a traineeship though."
Moi: *WTF WTF*
BUT I am apparently a ~raw diamond~ and bossman is a ~visionary~.
The proper technical German term is Volontariat, which sounds like volunteering, which isn't really what it is - it's a paid traineeship. The misleading term comes from the olden days when teens, being not yet of age, were put into apprenticeship by their parents, whereas you put yourself (voluntarily) into a Volontariat, which generally requires having finished university (at which time you have come of age, even in the olden days when the legal age was 21). Anyway. I got myself into a voluntary paid apprenticeship?
I basically came back home from that only to learn that in fact, the mother-in-law won't be able to look after the kids even 20 hours a week (+ driving) after all. So either I'll get them kindergarten or daycare spots REALLY SOON (hahahahahahaha) or the traineeship will be over before it really started. Haha.
(Also, this is basically ALL MY PROBLEM. Because Jörg has OTHER PROBLEMS. Guess who encouraged me to apply for stuff BEFORE the childcare situation is securely resolved? DING DING DING! To be fair, Jörg has been fighting pneumonia the past weeks, but it was ALL MY PROBLEM before the pneumonia hit him, too.)
The editor in chief has been replaced by the guy from Dortmund. Who is nice. But although he's got more job experience, I don't really feel that he's more qualified than I am. Except in that his wife takes care of his daughter. So he can work full time. So he is boss colleague and I am the trainee. BECAUSE I'M A GIRL.
Before you can get your feminist boots of rage on (and believe me, I'm sometimes tempted to do so), I have to admit that it can be quite a relief to be only the trainee. Like, boss colleague had to stay in the office until 19:30 today because Something Important (TM) came up. Whereas I managed to leave at 5 pm, yay.
Or today:
Bossman: "And one of you can coach the Syrian guys."
Boss colleague and I: "AHAHAH WE'RE JUST FINDING OUR OWN FEET HERE!"
Bossman: "C., can you do that?"
Moi: "Um, not sure I can do them justice in my time here?"
Bossman: "OK, J., you do it! You can start by organising this and that appointment ~"
Boss colleague: "....... I'm just finding my feet?"
I'M SO HAPPY I'M A GIRL.
The Syrian guys are the result of bossman being a ~visionary~. It's not enough that he's running a regional magazine that manages to do decent journalism in the middle of nowhere. He also wants to run a regional magazine for refugees. Awesome plan! But do you have to start a complicated new project when your editor in chief is leaving the team and you have to teach two newbies the ropes? Except with the whole new editorial team for the additional magazine, there actually are six newbies on the team? With whom you not only have to set up a whole new thing, but also battle German bureaucracy? YMMV.
BUT it's been tremendous fun so far. Which is very dangerous, because I'm like "eh well, I'd be blogging now anyway, so I can as well feed the magazine's Wordpress calendar a bit". So I keep on working at home. Instead of updating you all on the EXCITING THINGS going on in my life. (I'm trying to be positive and say EXCITING rather than SCARY CRAZY.) I'm terrified it won't work out in the long run, because I like the job description and, in spite of the warnings from the parting editor in chief, think bossman is pretty cool. And finishing a traineeship would certainly be useful in the future. Still not certain that I want to be a journalist forever, but at least it's high on the list of things I want to do. Even though I'm already discovering that I'm actually lacking the ambition to be more than a ~raw diamond~. I'm happy with being a ~raw diamond~. It must be tiring being a Silmaril.
Speaking of which, when I came home all exhilarated after the traineeship offer only to be met by indifference and awkward news, I had to go and write a lot of awkward, repetitive Nerdanel and Fëanor bickering for Golden Days. The new chapter is now 9 pages long, completely stuck, and probably a horror to read. I haven't yet had the heart (or time) to give it a second look. The trouble with writing as a job is that I can't really turn to writing as a leisure activity anymore.
Anyway! Exciting times. I hope I'll figure out the childcare issue. And the work/life balance thingy.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-05-04 07:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-04 08:22 pm (UTC)Your job sounds very interesting!
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Date: 2016-05-05 10:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-05 12:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-05 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-06 08:55 pm (UTC)Work/life balance is tricky, but finds itself after a while. A very exhausting while but at some point you get there.
Good luck with the daycare situation. Have you checked with your local Jugendamt? They always helped me out rather effectively, actually.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-07 08:18 am (UTC)To be fair, Jörg has been operating close to burn-out for over a year now. (Which is also why the - presumably - same virus that gave Felix and me two weeks of occasional coughing, gave him a fully-fledged pneumonia.) So it probably isn't willful negligence, but genuinely a matter of "no spoons". Really, really annoying, but not actually done on purpose. I try to remember that whenever I want to get offended, but I'm no angel either!
Mmm, I have some prejudice against the local Jugendamt, though I probably won't have much of a choice in the long run. :/ It's made more complicated because Felix' new kindergarten is in another town, so I'd prefer to find a spot for Julian there, too. It'd make a serious difference in fees. But being neither a local nor planning to move there, that's even more complicated. Blah. Beggers can't be choosers, I know. Nobody - myself included - expected that I'd suddenly have a job.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-07 05:47 pm (UTC)The job situation sounds interesting, and I sincerely hope it works out!
no subject
Date: 2016-05-07 06:22 pm (UTC)Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 01:54 am (UTC)I got my first journalistic experience writing part-time for a small regional newspaper and used it find other jobs over the years, including freelance work pretty much whenever I needed extra money also. It's really very useful. Also the experience of learning how to write to different editor's taste and requirements.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-09 10:35 am (UTC)*knuddel*
no subject
Date: 2016-05-09 12:09 pm (UTC)Well, you have been looking for a while, or did I understand that wrong? But yeah, my own job also hit me quite surprisingly. In the end, everything got sorted. I'm sure it will be in your case, too.
Finding spots for siblings in kindergarden around here is easier but yeah, they do put local kids higher on their lists, too :/
no subject
Date: 2016-05-12 02:10 pm (UTC)The other town seems to be better (or, at any rate, more centrally) organised but the problem remains that local kids are higher on the priority list. I tried to be tricksy and went for the Lutheran kindergartens first (because technically, the Lutheran congregation there and the Lutheran congregation have been unified a decade or so ago, so it's officially the same community in spite of stretching across several towns). Still no luck. "We can put you on the waiting list but I must warn you that all places for 2016 and 2017 are currently filled." Hurrah!
(And while I'm busy begging for a place, I'm also effing annoyed, because if we get a place, we're going to have to pay the second highest rate. (We're eaten by our running costs, but on his paycheck, Jörg looks like a rich man.) So they'd be doing themselves a favour by finding a place for us.
And then I feel ashamed about these thoughts because OMG PRIVILEGE! Urgh.)
no subject
Date: 2016-05-13 01:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-13 05:56 pm (UTC)ETA: Moreover, they do - centrally - know what capacity the kindergartens have, and they know how many children are a) going there and b) going to go there next term, because they're the ones who collect the fees. So while they may not have access to the waiting lists, they can at the very least see which places are already at their limit, and where there might be a bit of a chance.
I, on the other hand, phone every single place, and you know what they tell me half of the time? "No, I don't know how soon we can help you. Did you check with the Jugendamt?"
...!
no subject
Date: 2016-05-13 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-13 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-14 09:37 am (UTC)But yeah, of course I'm also super-biased. I'm sure they can deliver stellar service in some cases. And I know I'm a problem case. It's just unsatisfying all around.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-14 09:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-14 09:44 am (UTC)I'm sure it would be massively useful. It's proper job qualification, so even if I can't or don't want to stay with the magazine once the two years are up, I can point at that when I apply elsewhere. Heck, with two years of job experience in any field, I can even try to get into teaching (though German and English are a lot less sought-after than, say, Chemistry; but still!). So it would be valuable in every way. And I think that although I'm already slightly exasperated by some of bossman's habits (e.g. I HAVE AN AWESOME NEW IDEA THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERYTHING ELSE! - um, but we have to send the next edition to the printer next week? - LISTEN TO MY AWESOME NEW IDEA!), the team is pretty cool.
So, yeah. I hope I figure it out.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-14 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-14 02:42 pm (UTC)OMG! That sounds painful. But it means that he is lucky he has you, because you are very focused! (He may even realize that on some at least semi-conscious level. Whenever I have been in a position of hiring someone, I did not hire someone with my own faults simply because we would be more compatible, but someone who would push me to do it right thing when I needed to be pushed!)
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Date: 2016-05-14 05:56 pm (UTC)That said, being the trainee, I'm not sure I'm gonna dare being firm and either pushing him to, like, finish his texts before deadline day rather than after or ignoring that sparkling new thought for another week. Confident I am not!
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Date: 2016-05-15 08:40 am (UTC)But yeah, a few month ago, they centralized the system, so that every kindergarten can see if their waiting list kids already have a place somewhere els and it suddenly seems to work with much less stress for everyone.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 08:48 am (UTC)I guess a very big part of Germans (and Austrians of course too) does not know what an "algorithm" is let alone that you can do such things in excel.
Besides that, stupid me only learned that you can put visual basic scripts into excel in an excel course at my new company. In my old company, everyone used some alternative spreadsheet program because "in excel you cannot do any programming". lol.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 10:31 am (UTC)It seems that I should ditch the job at the magazine and instead become counsellor and coordinator for our municipal services...
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Date: 2016-05-15 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 02:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 02:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 02:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 05:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-15 05:24 pm (UTC)And it's the same story with a friend of mine, high-professional, chemistry phD with 2 kids (1 and 3), living in Frankfurt - guess who told me the kindergarten story ;) Her husband would rather have her at home, but she feels not really bored, but also not challenged. And she'd like to change that.
And the same with some other friends of mine.
All the guys don't even think about changing their lives for the kids. But they expect their wives to do so. I more and more see that it's not the community and not the companies who are anti-feminists. Wherever I worked, all my bosses were super-cooperative when talking about my personal issues on a business-level. The problem is not in laws. The problem lies in every single family. The state is completely behind me if I want to start working soon after giving birth to kids. My sister proofed that. Her husband stayed at home for 8 months after the first 3 months she had to stay at home. Some men start thinking about such things. But I don't know many who think about working part-time. It's the woman-thing to work part-time. And it's the same ideas that are deeply implanted in my S.'s brain. If I ever happen to get pregnant and keep the thing,... well... this is gonna be a hard challenge and I don't know yet how I will cope with that.
I am not the kind of person who likes to quarrel and debate about such things with my husband and he's not the one to think in a modern emancipated way.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-16 09:43 am (UTC)So much this. Instead, when I'm angry because he said something seriously sexist (not about me, about others) and I try to explain where the problem is, he's just all "You really like to play the suffragette, don't you". NO! I DON'T PLAY! IT COMES TO ME KINDA NATURALLY, BEING A WOMAN AND ALL.
In our case, it's made more complicated by "rational" thoughts. He has the 4-digit monthly income (far more than gets recompensated by "Elterngeld") and we have high running costs, so it just doesn't make sense for him to stay at home so I can make € 800, even if it's an investment into my future. But that's not what I'm asking, anyway. I'd just like him to help me search for and contact places and people. He knows how much I hate calling people and asking for favours, and he always says that I'm not negotiating hard enough. Fine then - so help me do it! But it's currently "all too much" for him. I, in turn, know that he's been operating close to (or possibly beyond) burn-out these past years. So in some way, I feel guilty about asking yet more. In another way, I'm pissed off because if you know you're burnt out, find an effing doctor who puts you on extended sick leave? That way he could even take care of the kids. OMG. No, his employer won't like it and will use it as an excuse to get rid of him (as the company is running out with the last of Germany's nuclear power plants anyway), but on the other hand, he needs to find another job anyway and maybe could use the time to write a series of applications? But of course maybe I'm making things too easy for myself, thinking that way, because a diagnosed burn-out would put too much of a stain on his CV? Urgh.
So, yeah. Complicated.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-16 06:41 pm (UTC)He has the 4-digit income? True. But there is also someone who was kind of secretely offered the editor in chief position and would get a better income out of this if she could have accepted it. And why couldn't you? Because you'd feel guilty against your children if you left them alone all day long. He doesn't think this kind of thought. He doesn't think that for his kids it's terrible to have a burnt-out dad. He is egoistic in this point. You aren't. We girls tend to always care for others. If we behaved like the guys, a lot of things in this world would crash. But we don't dare because we fear the crash. And the guys rely on us to keep the world from crashing.
In my relationship I am the one with the high 4-digit income. Do you think this would change anything? He is so rational. He feels responsible for his athletes who rely on him and he cannot let them down. So it's either I keep on working full-time or part-time. It's my decision if I want to be the good or bad mother. He'd do whatever he wants and be a good father anyway. Because he kinda brings home the money.
If I were like the guys, I'd just keep on working and not care.
He says, you don't negotiate hard enough? Might be true. So many women don't feel like quarrelling and therefore do not negotiate hard enough. I think, I did really well in my negotiations. Yes. I lied. I told them, I had an alternative offer of some still-realistic height. And they didn't pay me that much, but much more than my 2 colleagues who have about the same qualification as me. But this comes from experience. I already had a job before. And the second time, everything is so much easier.
Anyway. What I wanted to say: He tells you to be more self-confident and less obedient, but on the other hand expects you to be so in your relation-ship. Understanding and putting yourself back behind his wishes, while he is not in the mood of going to a psychotherapist, which would help you. But is uncomfortable for him. And no - a CV is no argument. Even if he were out of his job for some time he could write into his CV whatever he felt like: "took care of the kids, while his wife worked", "had startup enterprise which finally was not the thing that made him happy", CV's are full of lies. There's no problem in adding another one.
No, my life isn't any better than yours. My husband is absolutely the same (except for the point that he supports my occasional feminist ramblings and thoughts) and I don't have any recipe for this situation. I just sometimes think "what would he (or one of my male colleagues) do/think/decide in my position?" And then I think about it, if I want to do/think/decide like a man. And if I want it, I try to get it. Because I am no second-class-person just because I am female. And it's ME who can change it. Noone else in this chauvinistic world is there to support me. There is also noone to support the guys. They get their things only by being hard negotiators, too. It's hard for me. But thinking about this "what would he do" helps me to see that my wishes are not anything unrealistic. It helps me to see that I am worthful and it's allright that I want them in spite of all the guys and the community and everyone who tries to tell me the opposite.