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olorielMay was a month full of excitement. I worked at the office every Wednesday, then I was asked to also come in on Friday, which I managed to do, and then it was DEADLINE week and panic time. In spite of deadline week Wednesday being a regional holiday (Corpus Christi), I went in to work from 9 to 8. (That's 11 hours. German work law officially draws the line at 10.) Hey, the magazine's gotta be finished, right? I also went in on Friday. Oh, and Saturday afternoon. And I kept on feeding the events calendar at home, which isn't even figuring into the calculation. And then I did some proofreading Sunday night.
In short, I thought I was just helping to push the magazine over the deadline in time in a once-in-two-months frenzy. Which is mostly due to bossman's amazingly poor organisational skills, I mean, honestly, he's like a kid with ADS in a candy store. Oh well. It was sort of exhausting, but it only happens in deadline week, right? And it was also vaguely satisfying. As a once-in-two-months thing.
Except apparently it's expected to put in this kind of effort every singleweek day.
Ahahah, no. I signed up for part-time work, about 25 hours INCLUDING visits to events and meetings and stuff AND home office. I've already worked over 100 hours for the magazine in May (for free!), although only 60 of those are documented.
Now it's June, and I'm getting paid for 25 hours a week. That's OK... except.
Except that the childcare situation is more complicated than I would have expected. Seriously, it's crazy. When the new kindergarten term starts, both kids have a place. But term officially starts on August 1, which is in the middle of the summer holidays, three weeks of which the kindergarten observes. So in reality, term starts on August 22. And then the first week or two will be acclimatisation time, in which I'll have to stay with Julian. So it'll only really help from September onwards.
Until September? I've found nothing, short of hiring a nanny, which is sort of not worth it.
Still, I've been hoping and searching and making calls. Until then, the mother-in-law has honestly done as much as was possible. In spite of her cardiovascular issues and her tendency to stress over everything. There are a lot of things that drive me batty about M-I-L, but she really, really tried to help.
But part of the agreement was that she could nonetheless do her normal courses and attend her social meetings, concerts and stuff. So I had to leave the office on time.
It just isn't possible. Bossman keeps jumping from one thing to the next and just when you're getting out of the door, SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT that you've been asking him for hours (or, in some cases, two days ago) NEEDS TO BE SETTLED RIGHT THEN. So I began "leaving" half an hour before I actually had to leave, so I more or less really got out of the office on time, if that makes sense. It worked sometimes, but not always.
To make things more complicated, as soon as the magazine was with the printer, bossman handed boss colleague (who replaced the old boss colleague) his two weeks notice (boss colleague was still in his probationary phase - he started just a month before me). Because boss colleague was "overtaxed and not pulling his weight". It is true that he was overtaxed, as anyone would be when more or less dumped into a running system and having to run with it with no time to find one's feet. However, he was also doing a shitload of work, staying in the office until late at night, and not driving home to see his family (= wife and a three-year-old daughter). Because he was trying to prove worthy. Well, bossman found him unworthy and fired him. Boss colleague is actually relieved, because that means he doesn't have to resign and he knew that he would have done that as soon as possible. So that's good for him. It's bad for me because I really liked him as a person. We shared a lot of geeky jokes, we built each other up when bossman's expectations were impossible to fulfill, and he actually did a lot of work in the background that bossman just never noticed.
Well, he's noticing now, because some of these tasks I wasn't even aware of existed. (Because I'm the trainee, remember? And because these tasks weren't the top priority while the last issue of the magazine was in its finishing stages, nobody told me about them.) So I wasn't doing them. So after a week, bossman actually noticed that they were not getting done. "Why is nobody sharing articles on Facebook? Why is nobody attending this or that meeting? Why did nobody tell me about XYZ?" BECAUSE NOBODY KNEW THESE THINGS HAD TO BE DONE. BECAUSE ACTUALLY, YOU'RE THE BOSS AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW ME THE ROPES, RATHER THAN EXPECTING ME TO INTUIT THEM.
(Granted, I intuited a lot of things. I was a natural at feeding the events calendar - duh, it's using Wordpress and I've been blogging for how long now? - and I had no problem working with either GIMP (duh, I've been making basic but adequate icons and banners and scans for how long now?) or InCopy (I got lucky?) or boiling a 2000 word text down to 800 words (WELL I WONDER WHERE I LEARNED THAT). So apparently, I have to intuit EVERYTHING?)
Anyway. It's not my fault that things are no longer getting done, because as far as I am concerned, if you expect that one untrained person can, in 20 hours a week, do the same job as two untrained people in 60+ hours (who already had to do the same job as one trained person in 60+ hours), you deserve it when shit blows up in your face. I know it's not a nice thing to say, and I'm really sorry for the other team members, but as far as bossman is concerned, I'm kind of happy that he's noticing now that he can't expect everything to work out to his expectations WITHOUT ACTUALLY PUTTING IN SOME EFFORT OF HIS OWN. Noo, he's already chasing the next grand idea.
Aaanyway. So basically, one of the ladies who're actually responsible for handling the adverts and me are the only person currently writing for the magazine. Advertising lady went to a meeting last Thursday when I had no babysitter, I went to a meeting on Monday (THREE FUCKING HOURS OF DRIVING AND BOREDOM, I MIGHT ADD) when she had no babysitter. It sort of evens out. But on Wednesday, I came home later than agreed upon again, and I was expected to continue working from home.
And the mom-in-law's had it. She's exhausted after dealing with the kids for more than an hour, which I don't really understand but have to accept, and if she can't rely on my coming home on time, she's no longer going to babysit. As it happens, on Wednesday she was just looking forward to relaxing, but just as often, she's got meetings or classes or a concert in the evening that she would have missed because bossman doesn't get his emails organised. So he's not just burning me out, he's making me burn her out, too.
So the next morning, I told him that I no longer had a babysitter. Situation changed. At first, he was pretty awesome about it. Asked what about if the company pays for part of it? Sure, that would be nice. Okay, he knew a lot of people and would pull some strings and I'd hear from him. I heard from him later and got the phone number of a lady who normally organises free stuff for children of poor-ish parents, like riding classes or piano lessons or karate or whatever else their parents can't afford. Awesome stuff, but not really what I need. But she knows some more people and will ask around and call back. And then I got some more phone numbers in the town where I'm working (as opposed to where I'm living). Unfortunately, he gave me those numbers on Friday at four in the afternoon. Guess how many people you reach after office time on Friday?
So he called me again and asked why I hadn't already found someone. After all, he pulled some strings. Um, maybe, but they were either not applicable, or I couldn't yet reach them? I could only tell him what lady-who-helps-underprivileged-kids had told me.
Apparently, she'd told him something else, or he had just expected something else, whatever. At any rate, he was starting to be pissed off. Hey, I can understand that, it sucks when you make plans and the people involved in those plans don't cooperate. For whatever reason. Nonetheless, I can't help it and I can't make yet other people cooperate.
So he said "I'm trying to help you, but you're aware that you signed a contract, and if you fall ill, that's an act of nature, but how you organise your childcare is ultimately your own problem?"
And I apparently completely surprised him by replying "Yes, sir, I'm aware of that, and it's awesome that you're trying to help me, and if I cannot solve this problem, I know we will have to cancel the contract. I'd hate that, but if that's what it boils down to, I'm still on probation so I'll be out in two weeks."
He was completely stunned.
And to be honest, that puzzles me. Does he think that the job is so awesome that I'll move heaven and earth in order to keep making 800 bucks a month? That I'm already married to the magazine and won't leave no matter what? Or did he think that I'd go "Oh yes, I forgot, I signed a contract, gosh, in that case, I'll lock my kids in the basement and come to the office at once then!"? Did he think that I wasn't aware that I need to solve that problem? I've been trying to do that for two months now. I really don't get it. Yes, I signed a contract, but contracts can be cancelled. The situation was looking different when I signed it. It's still a voluntary traineeship, right?
What I do get is that I could actually be pretty relaxed. Either his strings turn out to be helpful, in which case I can continue to do the job - as far as I can - because the kids will be taken (good!) care of. Or they'll prove useless, in which case I'll do the job for two more weeks and then it'll be over. I expect it'll leave a stain on my work record, but, you know, it's not like I have a flawless work record anyway. So really, I'm OK with either outcome. Well, actually I favour the "it won't work out" outcome a bit more, because bossman is, yes, a ~visionary~, but also a narcissist and perfectionist and a bit of a psychopath, and I don't need that in my work life. I've already got that at home! ;) That said, I'm beginning to suspect that bossmen actually don't come in any other flavours, so it'd only be a temporary reprieve. So I'd be OK with completing my two years there, too. It'd mean dealing with bossman and the regular madness of deadline week but it'd also be two years of work experience and I can afterwards move into teaching or to a saner working environment (if such a thing exists). But I'd also be OK if it ends here. So yeah, I could be relaxed.
If only one outcome wouldn't make the next two weeks really toxic. I mean, I could see what it was like for J., the Ex-boss-colleague, in the two weeks after he was fired. And for me, there'd be an additional taste of "but I relied on you and I had such great plaaans for you and you've betraaayed me!". I'm really scared of that.
But let's face it: I didn't fire my editor-in-chief without having someone to replace him. He was apparently expecting that me, the trainee, in her 20+ hours, would pull the weight of two. That was unrealistic frm the start. The fact that if I fall ill (or if my kids or their caretaker fall ill) or leave for good, the entire magazine crumbles... that, ultimately, isn't my problem. Problem is just, that's not how bossman is going to see it. It's what I may have to communicate, though.
Urgh, urgh.
In short, I thought I was just helping to push the magazine over the deadline in time in a once-in-two-months frenzy. Which is mostly due to bossman's amazingly poor organisational skills, I mean, honestly, he's like a kid with ADS in a candy store. Oh well. It was sort of exhausting, but it only happens in deadline week, right? And it was also vaguely satisfying. As a once-in-two-months thing.
Except apparently it's expected to put in this kind of effort every single
Ahahah, no. I signed up for part-time work, about 25 hours INCLUDING visits to events and meetings and stuff AND home office. I've already worked over 100 hours for the magazine in May (for free!), although only 60 of those are documented.
Now it's June, and I'm getting paid for 25 hours a week. That's OK... except.
Except that the childcare situation is more complicated than I would have expected. Seriously, it's crazy. When the new kindergarten term starts, both kids have a place. But term officially starts on August 1, which is in the middle of the summer holidays, three weeks of which the kindergarten observes. So in reality, term starts on August 22. And then the first week or two will be acclimatisation time, in which I'll have to stay with Julian. So it'll only really help from September onwards.
Until September? I've found nothing, short of hiring a nanny, which is sort of not worth it.
Still, I've been hoping and searching and making calls. Until then, the mother-in-law has honestly done as much as was possible. In spite of her cardiovascular issues and her tendency to stress over everything. There are a lot of things that drive me batty about M-I-L, but she really, really tried to help.
But part of the agreement was that she could nonetheless do her normal courses and attend her social meetings, concerts and stuff. So I had to leave the office on time.
It just isn't possible. Bossman keeps jumping from one thing to the next and just when you're getting out of the door, SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT that you've been asking him for hours (or, in some cases, two days ago) NEEDS TO BE SETTLED RIGHT THEN. So I began "leaving" half an hour before I actually had to leave, so I more or less really got out of the office on time, if that makes sense. It worked sometimes, but not always.
To make things more complicated, as soon as the magazine was with the printer, bossman handed boss colleague (who replaced the old boss colleague) his two weeks notice (boss colleague was still in his probationary phase - he started just a month before me). Because boss colleague was "overtaxed and not pulling his weight". It is true that he was overtaxed, as anyone would be when more or less dumped into a running system and having to run with it with no time to find one's feet. However, he was also doing a shitload of work, staying in the office until late at night, and not driving home to see his family (= wife and a three-year-old daughter). Because he was trying to prove worthy. Well, bossman found him unworthy and fired him. Boss colleague is actually relieved, because that means he doesn't have to resign and he knew that he would have done that as soon as possible. So that's good for him. It's bad for me because I really liked him as a person. We shared a lot of geeky jokes, we built each other up when bossman's expectations were impossible to fulfill, and he actually did a lot of work in the background that bossman just never noticed.
Well, he's noticing now, because some of these tasks I wasn't even aware of existed. (Because I'm the trainee, remember? And because these tasks weren't the top priority while the last issue of the magazine was in its finishing stages, nobody told me about them.) So I wasn't doing them. So after a week, bossman actually noticed that they were not getting done. "Why is nobody sharing articles on Facebook? Why is nobody attending this or that meeting? Why did nobody tell me about XYZ?" BECAUSE NOBODY KNEW THESE THINGS HAD TO BE DONE. BECAUSE ACTUALLY, YOU'RE THE BOSS AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW ME THE ROPES, RATHER THAN EXPECTING ME TO INTUIT THEM.
(Granted, I intuited a lot of things. I was a natural at feeding the events calendar - duh, it's using Wordpress and I've been blogging for how long now? - and I had no problem working with either GIMP (duh, I've been making basic but adequate icons and banners and scans for how long now?) or InCopy (I got lucky?) or boiling a 2000 word text down to 800 words (WELL I WONDER WHERE I LEARNED THAT). So apparently, I have to intuit EVERYTHING?)
Anyway. It's not my fault that things are no longer getting done, because as far as I am concerned, if you expect that one untrained person can, in 20 hours a week, do the same job as two untrained people in 60+ hours (who already had to do the same job as one trained person in 60+ hours), you deserve it when shit blows up in your face. I know it's not a nice thing to say, and I'm really sorry for the other team members, but as far as bossman is concerned, I'm kind of happy that he's noticing now that he can't expect everything to work out to his expectations WITHOUT ACTUALLY PUTTING IN SOME EFFORT OF HIS OWN. Noo, he's already chasing the next grand idea.
Aaanyway. So basically, one of the ladies who're actually responsible for handling the adverts and me are the only person currently writing for the magazine. Advertising lady went to a meeting last Thursday when I had no babysitter, I went to a meeting on Monday (THREE FUCKING HOURS OF DRIVING AND BOREDOM, I MIGHT ADD) when she had no babysitter. It sort of evens out. But on Wednesday, I came home later than agreed upon again, and I was expected to continue working from home.
And the mom-in-law's had it. She's exhausted after dealing with the kids for more than an hour, which I don't really understand but have to accept, and if she can't rely on my coming home on time, she's no longer going to babysit. As it happens, on Wednesday she was just looking forward to relaxing, but just as often, she's got meetings or classes or a concert in the evening that she would have missed because bossman doesn't get his emails organised. So he's not just burning me out, he's making me burn her out, too.
So the next morning, I told him that I no longer had a babysitter. Situation changed. At first, he was pretty awesome about it. Asked what about if the company pays for part of it? Sure, that would be nice. Okay, he knew a lot of people and would pull some strings and I'd hear from him. I heard from him later and got the phone number of a lady who normally organises free stuff for children of poor-ish parents, like riding classes or piano lessons or karate or whatever else their parents can't afford. Awesome stuff, but not really what I need. But she knows some more people and will ask around and call back. And then I got some more phone numbers in the town where I'm working (as opposed to where I'm living). Unfortunately, he gave me those numbers on Friday at four in the afternoon. Guess how many people you reach after office time on Friday?
So he called me again and asked why I hadn't already found someone. After all, he pulled some strings. Um, maybe, but they were either not applicable, or I couldn't yet reach them? I could only tell him what lady-who-helps-underprivileged-kids had told me.
Apparently, she'd told him something else, or he had just expected something else, whatever. At any rate, he was starting to be pissed off. Hey, I can understand that, it sucks when you make plans and the people involved in those plans don't cooperate. For whatever reason. Nonetheless, I can't help it and I can't make yet other people cooperate.
So he said "I'm trying to help you, but you're aware that you signed a contract, and if you fall ill, that's an act of nature, but how you organise your childcare is ultimately your own problem?"
And I apparently completely surprised him by replying "Yes, sir, I'm aware of that, and it's awesome that you're trying to help me, and if I cannot solve this problem, I know we will have to cancel the contract. I'd hate that, but if that's what it boils down to, I'm still on probation so I'll be out in two weeks."
He was completely stunned.
And to be honest, that puzzles me. Does he think that the job is so awesome that I'll move heaven and earth in order to keep making 800 bucks a month? That I'm already married to the magazine and won't leave no matter what? Or did he think that I'd go "Oh yes, I forgot, I signed a contract, gosh, in that case, I'll lock my kids in the basement and come to the office at once then!"? Did he think that I wasn't aware that I need to solve that problem? I've been trying to do that for two months now. I really don't get it. Yes, I signed a contract, but contracts can be cancelled. The situation was looking different when I signed it. It's still a voluntary traineeship, right?
What I do get is that I could actually be pretty relaxed. Either his strings turn out to be helpful, in which case I can continue to do the job - as far as I can - because the kids will be taken (good!) care of. Or they'll prove useless, in which case I'll do the job for two more weeks and then it'll be over. I expect it'll leave a stain on my work record, but, you know, it's not like I have a flawless work record anyway. So really, I'm OK with either outcome. Well, actually I favour the "it won't work out" outcome a bit more, because bossman is, yes, a ~visionary~, but also a narcissist and perfectionist and a bit of a psychopath, and I don't need that in my work life. I've already got that at home! ;) That said, I'm beginning to suspect that bossmen actually don't come in any other flavours, so it'd only be a temporary reprieve. So I'd be OK with completing my two years there, too. It'd mean dealing with bossman and the regular madness of deadline week but it'd also be two years of work experience and I can afterwards move into teaching or to a saner working environment (if such a thing exists). But I'd also be OK if it ends here. So yeah, I could be relaxed.
If only one outcome wouldn't make the next two weeks really toxic. I mean, I could see what it was like for J., the Ex-boss-colleague, in the two weeks after he was fired. And for me, there'd be an additional taste of "but I relied on you and I had such great plaaans for you and you've betraaayed me!". I'm really scared of that.
But let's face it: I didn't fire my editor-in-chief without having someone to replace him. He was apparently expecting that me, the trainee, in her 20+ hours, would pull the weight of two. That was unrealistic frm the start. The fact that if I fall ill (or if my kids or their caretaker fall ill) or leave for good, the entire magazine crumbles... that, ultimately, isn't my problem. Problem is just, that's not how bossman is going to see it. It's what I may have to communicate, though.
Urgh, urgh.
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no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 02:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 07:11 pm (UTC)*hugs* I hope it doesn't turn toxic.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-11 07:45 pm (UTC)*hugs* Hang in there, but if push comes to shove, don't wait too long with getting the hell out of there. Your physical and mental health and your family are way more important than that job.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 07:39 am (UTC)ansonsten: *hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs* und letzter Absatz: Genau so ist es. NICHT DEINE SCHULD, dass bossman schwerst unorganisiert ist.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-13 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-13 07:43 pm (UTC)I knooow. And yet I feel guilty about "letting down the team". Bah!
no subject
Date: 2016-06-12 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-13 07:34 pm (UTC)I don't really want to be a quitter but... I really want to quit. So yeah. I'll probably be out the door soon, too. The only question remaining is whether I resign or get fired.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-13 09:39 pm (UTC)<3
no subject
Date: 2016-06-14 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-14 08:43 pm (UTC)Gah. I am getting so many flashbacks from my old workingplace and I am really sorry you were drawn into this. It is very good you stood your ground! You are not their slave and nobody will thank you if you tear yourself to pieces there. I drew my line as well when I had a family to think of, like you said, what do they expect?!
The kindergarden situation is the same here, we have to cover those three weeks as well and at work they were not thrilled, either but at least I am out of the print deadlines now which makes it more flexible.
I am for the first time in this firld in the position where they cannot make me do unpaid overtime because as a freelancer, overtime is paid time and my (lady) boss is very clear communicating this up to the headquarters ("You want her to do this? Well, pay her.") But I still remember the hamsterwheel of doom. Hang in there. Or get the hell out if you think you need to!
no subject
Date: 2016-06-14 08:52 pm (UTC)Apparently, you've been so good at what you did that he thought he could actually get away with dumping all of that on you?!