Sick today
Mar. 26th, 2019 10:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olorielSore throat, no voice. It was bad earlier this year but this time it's worse; I actually can't talk at all, except in a painful whisper at worst need. This is not helpful when interacting with my kids, let alone with a whole class. So I'm at home.
This is awkward. There's a trip to the zoo planned on Thursday, and I currently doubt that I'll be well enough on Thursday to do that. (There's another teacher - my mentor - going, of course, but I'll feel bad either leaving him alone or forcing him to find a replacement on short notice!) We're also going on a class trip for three days next week, which means that my 5th graders are going to miss a lot of English lessons. And they NEED them. And now I'm sick on top of it all.
Meanwhile, the colleague who already forced three English classes (so it wasn't just me!) to rush through two units in order to catch up with his one class (which was somehow madly ahead -- I can only assumed that he "skipped" all the boring bits, like ordinal numbers, months and dates, reading the clock etc.) keeps ploughing on at speed. This is completely unnecessary - the book has 6 units, with Unit 6 being pretty much "just for fun". He's already halfway through Unit 5, so what is he going to do in May and June? Who knows. Probably start on the book for grade 6. :P Yesterday he announced that he'd write the second class test next week.
The problem is that all the 5th grades have to write the same tests. This is to ensure that we're all adhering to the same standards and to make their marks comparable. Now, as I said, he was already madly ahead for the last test, and the third English teacher (let's call her Colleague D.) and I had to rush our classes through The Simple Present, Do-Constructions, and Questions. Most of our students are struggling with one of these concepts, let alone three of them more less dropped upon them at once. Most of them are unable to tell a verb from a noun! Not just in English, but in their native German as well! So actually I would need more time to revise basic grammar, rather than less time to heap even more grammar on them! (Unit 5 covers the Present Progressive, and guess what? If the kids are already struggling with grammatical concepts that their native language shares with English - simple present and reversed word order in questions - they are NOT going to get along with a grammatical structure that is generally frowned upon in German and only appears in some disrespected dialects.)
The last test was already desastrous. We had to write it two weeks after - let's call him Colleague B. - 's class (which is why he wants to write the next one next week! the fuck!) just so we'd have (barely) enough time to at least explain and superficially practice negation and questions. This was completely unnecessary, incidentally, because last year's class test clearly shows that they'd only covered the Simple Present by this time, and Negation and Questions came in the next test. I really have no clue what Colleague B. was thinking, and neither does Colleague D. (And yes, we did tell him that our classes weren't up to that test, and yes, we told the head of department, but somehow he managed to ignore it all and push on ahead.)
Anyway, the test was desastrous.
It has to be admitted that my 5th graders are not the best of students. Most of them have next to no self-organisation skills (and we don't have the time to teach them >_>), and a lot of them are either easily distracted or happy to distract others. They will happily talk about whatever in the middle of your class, and when you call them out for it, they'll tell you that It Was Important. Yes, but even important private stuff has to wait until the break! I'm very sorry! -- The day after the exam, I actually exploded. There's a stupid rhyme we use in German when teaching the Simple Present - he, she, it: das S muss mit, meaning "he, she, it: you have to take the S along", referring to the -s added to verbs in (and ONLY in!) the 3rd person singular - and I must have used it about 20 times in the past three weeks. Then on that day, after revising how to conjugate verbs again, when I said he, she, it: das S muss mit, one student (who frequently chats about who-knows-what in class, and is always very blasé about it) said, "My MOM had to tell me that because YOU never did!"
I did, sweetheart, you just never listened. Which is a problem a lot of them have: They don't listen, and THEN they demand that I explain it again, and even WHILE I'm explaining it again, they occupy themselves with other things. Argh.
Nonetheless, grading their tests hurt. As a kid, I always thought that teachers must like handing out bad grades, but now, I know that a lot of teachers actively hate it. Even when it hits the "deserving" (in the sense of: kids that refuse to cooperate in class, kids who boss the other kids around, or kids who do everything except pay attention), it hurts. I have yet to meet a teacher in our teachers' lounge who'd say "Student L from grade XYZ has another fail grade! Boo yeah! Serves him right, the sucker!" - It's always "I've had to give Student L an F, and it's the second time, and I feel bad about it but what can I do when he refuses all offers I make?" We seem to see bad grades to our students, first and foremost, as a mark of our own failure because we somehow couldn't make that student understand (in some cases, couldn't even make that student try to learn). I am beginning to suspect that some students honestly can't be taught (and I'm not talking about kids with ADHD or dyslexia or the like! Many of those are genuinely trying!). There's no miraculous way of making them connect with the material and unlocking their hidden potential. At least, there isn't in a classroom scenario. Maybe there is in one-on-one coaching. (Which our school actually offers - well, it offers coaching in small groups - but of course the kids who need it most rarely take the offer.)
But even the kids who do try hard and who did pay attention didn't get above a C in this test (except for one, who just barely managed to get a B). So it genuinely was Too Much. And I refuse to push on in this manner. We'll see what comes out of that.
-- As it turns out, it was good that I was at home, because Felix behaved so aggressively during gym class that the school called me and asked me to take him home. Hurrah. My child has officially been suspended from school. It will be great fun to discuss the matter with him through my inflamed throat. Not. I expect we shall have to write each other letters. This is the last step in a series of problems he's caused at his school; his teacher has both the patience of an angel and the experience of many years, but even she is starting to be at a loss.
It is planned (TM) that I'll start my "proper" training as a teacher this summer, which would mean a full-time schedule + one day in college, which would be tough at the best of times, but with Felix' volatility? I have no idea how this is supposed to work. Right now it seems more likely that I'll have to stop working altogether just to cover damage control.
It's a great day to feel like an all-around failure.
This is awkward. There's a trip to the zoo planned on Thursday, and I currently doubt that I'll be well enough on Thursday to do that. (There's another teacher - my mentor - going, of course, but I'll feel bad either leaving him alone or forcing him to find a replacement on short notice!) We're also going on a class trip for three days next week, which means that my 5th graders are going to miss a lot of English lessons. And they NEED them. And now I'm sick on top of it all.
Meanwhile, the colleague who already forced three English classes (so it wasn't just me!) to rush through two units in order to catch up with his one class (which was somehow madly ahead -- I can only assumed that he "skipped" all the boring bits, like ordinal numbers, months and dates, reading the clock etc.) keeps ploughing on at speed. This is completely unnecessary - the book has 6 units, with Unit 6 being pretty much "just for fun". He's already halfway through Unit 5, so what is he going to do in May and June? Who knows. Probably start on the book for grade 6. :P Yesterday he announced that he'd write the second class test next week.
The problem is that all the 5th grades have to write the same tests. This is to ensure that we're all adhering to the same standards and to make their marks comparable. Now, as I said, he was already madly ahead for the last test, and the third English teacher (let's call her Colleague D.) and I had to rush our classes through The Simple Present, Do-Constructions, and Questions. Most of our students are struggling with one of these concepts, let alone three of them more less dropped upon them at once. Most of them are unable to tell a verb from a noun! Not just in English, but in their native German as well! So actually I would need more time to revise basic grammar, rather than less time to heap even more grammar on them! (Unit 5 covers the Present Progressive, and guess what? If the kids are already struggling with grammatical concepts that their native language shares with English - simple present and reversed word order in questions - they are NOT going to get along with a grammatical structure that is generally frowned upon in German and only appears in some disrespected dialects.)
The last test was already desastrous. We had to write it two weeks after - let's call him Colleague B. - 's class (which is why he wants to write the next one next week! the fuck!) just so we'd have (barely) enough time to at least explain and superficially practice negation and questions. This was completely unnecessary, incidentally, because last year's class test clearly shows that they'd only covered the Simple Present by this time, and Negation and Questions came in the next test. I really have no clue what Colleague B. was thinking, and neither does Colleague D. (And yes, we did tell him that our classes weren't up to that test, and yes, we told the head of department, but somehow he managed to ignore it all and push on ahead.)
Anyway, the test was desastrous.
It has to be admitted that my 5th graders are not the best of students. Most of them have next to no self-organisation skills (and we don't have the time to teach them >_>), and a lot of them are either easily distracted or happy to distract others. They will happily talk about whatever in the middle of your class, and when you call them out for it, they'll tell you that It Was Important. Yes, but even important private stuff has to wait until the break! I'm very sorry! -- The day after the exam, I actually exploded. There's a stupid rhyme we use in German when teaching the Simple Present - he, she, it: das S muss mit, meaning "he, she, it: you have to take the S along", referring to the -s added to verbs in (and ONLY in!) the 3rd person singular - and I must have used it about 20 times in the past three weeks. Then on that day, after revising how to conjugate verbs again, when I said he, she, it: das S muss mit, one student (who frequently chats about who-knows-what in class, and is always very blasé about it) said, "My MOM had to tell me that because YOU never did!"
I did, sweetheart, you just never listened. Which is a problem a lot of them have: They don't listen, and THEN they demand that I explain it again, and even WHILE I'm explaining it again, they occupy themselves with other things. Argh.
Nonetheless, grading their tests hurt. As a kid, I always thought that teachers must like handing out bad grades, but now, I know that a lot of teachers actively hate it. Even when it hits the "deserving" (in the sense of: kids that refuse to cooperate in class, kids who boss the other kids around, or kids who do everything except pay attention), it hurts. I have yet to meet a teacher in our teachers' lounge who'd say "Student L from grade XYZ has another fail grade! Boo yeah! Serves him right, the sucker!" - It's always "I've had to give Student L an F, and it's the second time, and I feel bad about it but what can I do when he refuses all offers I make?" We seem to see bad grades to our students, first and foremost, as a mark of our own failure because we somehow couldn't make that student understand (in some cases, couldn't even make that student try to learn). I am beginning to suspect that some students honestly can't be taught (and I'm not talking about kids with ADHD or dyslexia or the like! Many of those are genuinely trying!). There's no miraculous way of making them connect with the material and unlocking their hidden potential. At least, there isn't in a classroom scenario. Maybe there is in one-on-one coaching. (Which our school actually offers - well, it offers coaching in small groups - but of course the kids who need it most rarely take the offer.)
But even the kids who do try hard and who did pay attention didn't get above a C in this test (except for one, who just barely managed to get a B). So it genuinely was Too Much. And I refuse to push on in this manner. We'll see what comes out of that.
-- As it turns out, it was good that I was at home, because Felix behaved so aggressively during gym class that the school called me and asked me to take him home. Hurrah. My child has officially been suspended from school. It will be great fun to discuss the matter with him through my inflamed throat. Not. I expect we shall have to write each other letters. This is the last step in a series of problems he's caused at his school; his teacher has both the patience of an angel and the experience of many years, but even she is starting to be at a loss.
It is planned (TM) that I'll start my "proper" training as a teacher this summer, which would mean a full-time schedule + one day in college, which would be tough at the best of times, but with Felix' volatility? I have no idea how this is supposed to work. Right now it seems more likely that I'll have to stop working altogether just to cover damage control.
It's a great day to feel like an all-around failure.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 12:09 pm (UTC)I would be incredibly frustrated with your fellow English teacher! English is hard! I learned that watching Laura breeze through reading and writing in Spanish and being years behind in English although she was totally verbally fluent (she knew the language, but was essentially illiterate in it). She got over it--as she said herself, "suddenly like magic." She was beautiful writer after whatever wall had stood in front of her moving forward suddenly crumbled--for her at around 10. I think her problem was English spelling which made everything look like an irrational puzzle to her. I wish you luck with the kids. Sounds like you need more than luck.
Jumping now to Felix, I've often felt like that with Alex. It was always something in school until very recently. He is suddenly settling down. No more fights or behavior issues or hiding homework assignments or taking an hour to write a paragraph or developing antagonist relationships with certain teachers and kids! Argh!! He is now getting great grades and a lot of praise. Almost went from problem kid to great kid at school in the last year and a half. (He was always good at home.) I hope he is passing out his "difficult" period for good and it is not too little too late. He did not love school as a result!
I wonder how much you being around more hours would really help Felix? Maybe you could find someone to back you up when it is inconvenient to drop everything? I guess his dad can't do it for work reasons.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 01:38 pm (UTC)I am reminded of your stories about Alex in school every now and then! But it's more complicated with Felix. He's having trouble at home, too. He still has little to no tolerance for frustration and hates to confront his weaknesses. He knows the rules but when he gets worked up, he doesn't manage to follow them.
It would at the least mean less time he has to spend in school (their classes end at 12:30; mine would end at 15:15; they have an optional after-school programme for kids whose parents are working longer, but he regularly gets into trouble there, too). The mother-in-law often acts as back-up, but she doesn't want to give up her work, either. My dad is currently on extended sick leave, but I don't think he'd be a good role model for Felix as far as emotional stability is concerned. And my mum won't retire for three more years (which is also when Jörg's current job will run out). I'm the one with the lowest income, so convenience will probably demand that I stop working.
Which I wouldn't mind as such - I'm not working to, like, self-actualise, I can happily keep busy without a paid job - but alas, I /will/ be expected to bring in money once Jörg's out of work, and it would probably be kinda useful to be a qualified teacher by that time, rather than a temp, even if it means doing the badly paid temping + stressful qualification now.
It's a right clusterfuck and I'm just so tired. (Already! Hear the entitled youngster whine!)
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 01:46 pm (UTC)unless you know the history of the language.Given that absolutely every 'rule' we learn for spelling has at least one exception (and generally more - looking at you, 'i before e except after c') I think it's fair to leave it at that.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 10:47 pm (UTC)OMG! You made me laugh with this: "but I don't think he'd be a good role model for Felix as far as emotional stability is concerned." Again, I could just imagine what you mean. I know it is not funny or very dark humor! Women really do get stuck with the lion's share of parenting.
Wow! Just got back from the Tolkien exhibit. That was really something. Looking at some of the artwork and the calligraphy I was struck with how intense the detail work was and thought that even if I had the talent and motivation, I never could have done any of that when my kids were little.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 07:57 am (UTC)Argh.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. But he's already reaching that age where bad habits get more pronounced and self-control gives way to self-indulgence. And he's been struggling with depression these past years. He can handle the fun sides of being a grandfather just fine, but if he had to take care of Felix every day, that would perforce include the unfunny aspects, and that wouldn't be good for either of them.
Heh! On a good day, I'd love to squee with you about the attention to detail and the lovely originals. But today is a bitter day, so all I can think of saying is, Well, Edith didn't get to do any of that either. >_>
[Which is unfair, of course. I did a lot of writing and started two illustrated children's books when my kids were younger, and it's my own fault I didn't finish those because I was afraid of actually... like... finishing something and then having to try and find a publisher, etc. I have my own issues!]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 12:13 pm (UTC)I have those issues also. OMG! The idea of actually trying to send something to a real-life publisher sends me into a crazy tailspin. I have a huge start on a historical fiction book sitting on my hard drive (along with a ton of WIP fanfics which I do periodically publish a chapter of). That particular piece of historical fiction was relevant while I was writing it (Richard III). Probably be much harder to publish now. I also have another book I've been working on for years--my Mexico book. It gets longer but never any closer to being finished. Laura wants to finish it with me now, but she's taking a break to try to go to graduate school first! Talk about self-sabotage.
I was talking to DrummerWench yesterday about a novellete she finished and polished years ago and has not shopped around. She submitted it for an anthology once--I think it was too long for that--because far, far lesser work was chosen. Anyway, I was shamelessly encouraging her to get busy and find a publisher (while I refuse to do it myself). Tor sci-fi fantasy division of MacMillan Publishers came up--they deal with that length sometimes and also publish books that are not as good as hers (along with some really good ones)! We should organize a publish-or-die writers circle--except I am not sure I want that pressure/encouragement. (I can always say I didn't succeed because I did not really try!)
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 12:21 pm (UTC)That teacher needs a serious readjustment. It is not fair to anyone to have him force everyone else up to that level.
*hugs* regarding Felix.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 01:42 pm (UTC)Colleague B sounds like a jerk. He's setting two full classes of kids up for failure and frustration, and in a potentially lasting way, and for what? So he can look better by comparison? (Also, I somehow never heard the 'S muss mit' rhyme. I have learned something today.)
I have nothing to offer on the Felix situation other than whatever good a listening ear and support/encouragement can do. :(
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 03:41 pm (UTC)He's normally quite nice, but he can be reeeally oblivious. It's actually three full classes (Colleague D teaches two classes) that had to rush in order to catch up with him, for no good reason. If we'd been behind on the curriculum -- we were actually perfectly within the plan. And somehow he just... ignored? didn't hear?... Colleague D.'s and my hints, or didn't take them seriously. I don't think it was intentional to make himself look better (though maybe I'm too naïve?).
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 04:09 pm (UTC)Ah, if he's oblivious, we'll go with that. (It is the more charitable explanation.) But still - rushing kids through the basics now just sets them up for further frustration above and beyond the upset of the poor marks on the tests they're not ready for yet. If he's ahead, there's no reason he can't wait to have them write the tests and give a few review/refresher sessions before whenever the test date is set for.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-27 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 09:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 10:17 pm (UTC)I lived alone and had a long-distance boyfriend, so I had time to burn.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 08:52 pm (UTC)I'm not in a good position to give good advice on any of this, but take good care of yourself and I hope things will look better when you're feeling less sick!
no subject
Date: 2019-03-28 10:23 pm (UTC)Good luck with Felix! Don't feel like a failure. That's the nature of parenting.