Arghlblargh

[oloriel]

I'm physically sick with anxiety for one, or both, of two reasons.

- finished and posted the questionable meta/shipping manifesto/essay/thing. Well, probably pretentious enough to count as an essay. 44 references on six pages, WTF. Also, provocative much. And probably offending the wrong people. Why did I ever think this was a good idea. Time for the usual "They're gonna kick me out of fandom" angst and much internal hand-wringing etc. The canatics are going to kill me anyway.

- got a call from the bossman from hell. More angst. Turns out they pretty urgently need someone competent to do the calendar of events. Everything has gotten better since last year except that clearly it hasn't. (Between the lines, masked between plenty of "his qualities lie elsewhere" and "the trainee is helping out but you need solid general knowledge to do it right", it appears that the rest of the team just aren't up to it. Well, it is taxing, and the things that were supposed to make it easier last year actually made it worse, which has probably not changed.) Well, I know I can do the job. It wasn't the fun part of working at the magazine but it wasn't the worst either. The question isn't even "do I want to do it?" (To which the answer is "meh, but I don't terribly mind", which is prbly good enough?) The question is "should I sell my soul to that particular devil again" and. I just don't know.

Blargh.

Comments

[heartofoshun]

Hey, I jumped right on that META, as soon as it appeared. You can read my remarks there on the SWG. I don't think you have to worry about this question in the Silmarillion fandom these days. People aren't as quick to stick their necks out and fly high the flag of their homophobia! I guess Tolkien's innermost thoughts are still scared perhaps, but those people are not writing fanfic in my circles. Anyway, I loved it. A really nice collection of arguments and facts. We all know, however, you'd be kicking in an open door with me.

[ysilme]

*loves this*

[oloriel]

As so often, you're scary fast in reading and replying! I'll respond to your remarks separately at the SWG, but thank you so much.

In general, I'm more scared of a "this is really poor scholarship and ludicrous reasoning" sort of reproach than of the homophobics. I don't mind stepping on THEIR toes, though I can't say I care for a shitstorm... (I am terrified of accidentally having employed politically incorrect terminology that'll offend someone on whose side I thought I was, though.) hhimring suggested posting it at the LOTR LJ community for their non-fiction challenge this month (which would take it out of our circles ;)) and I'm keeping that in mind, but I think I'll first wait to see how it fares in the relatively safe and friendly waters of the SWG.

I do have to say that your comments have been seriously encouraging! Since you're such a prolific essay writer yourself and probably on a first-name basis with every single tome of the HoME, and you didn't say something along the lines of "I agree in principle but your arguments are bullshit", that's a glimmer of hope. *hugs*