Arghlblargh
Aug. 8th, 2017 08:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olorielI'm physically sick with anxiety for one, or both, of two reasons.
- finished and posted the questionable meta/shipping manifesto/essay/thing. Well, probably pretentious enough to count as an essay. 44 references on six pages, WTF. Also, provocative much. And probably offending the wrong people. Why did I ever think this was a good idea. Time for the usual "They're gonna kick me out of fandom" angst and much internal hand-wringing etc. The canatics are going to kill me anyway.
- got a call from the bossman from hell. More angst. Turns out they pretty urgently need someone competent to do the calendar of events. Everything has gotten better since last year except that clearly it hasn't. (Between the lines, masked between plenty of "his qualities lie elsewhere" and "the trainee is helping out but you need solid general knowledge to do it right", it appears that the rest of the team just aren't up to it. Well, it is taxing, and the things that were supposed to make it easier last year actually made it worse, which has probably not changed.) Well, I know I can do the job. It wasn't the fun part of working at the magazine but it wasn't the worst either. The question isn't even "do I want to do it?" (To which the answer is "meh, but I don't terribly mind", which is prbly good enough?) The question is "should I sell my soul to that particular devil again" and. I just don't know.
Blargh.
- finished and posted the questionable meta/shipping manifesto/essay/thing. Well, probably pretentious enough to count as an essay. 44 references on six pages, WTF. Also, provocative much. And probably offending the wrong people. Why did I ever think this was a good idea. Time for the usual "They're gonna kick me out of fandom" angst and much internal hand-wringing etc. The canatics are going to kill me anyway.
- got a call from the bossman from hell. More angst. Turns out they pretty urgently need someone competent to do the calendar of events. Everything has gotten better since last year except that clearly it hasn't. (Between the lines, masked between plenty of "his qualities lie elsewhere" and "the trainee is helping out but you need solid general knowledge to do it right", it appears that the rest of the team just aren't up to it. Well, it is taxing, and the things that were supposed to make it easier last year actually made it worse, which has probably not changed.) Well, I know I can do the job. It wasn't the fun part of working at the magazine but it wasn't the worst either. The question isn't even "do I want to do it?" (To which the answer is "meh, but I don't terribly mind", which is prbly good enough?) The question is "should I sell my soul to that particular devil again" and. I just don't know.
Blargh.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-09 06:08 am (UTC)I read the essay. The cold I already had on Sunday has gotten worse, so unable to comment much right now. Besides, you know full well that I ship the ship! But, thumbs up!
Also, good luck with that other decision!
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Date: 2017-08-09 10:38 am (UTC)Argh, I feel like everytime I whine you feel the need to build me up. That's not my intention at all. You've got more than enough on your plate and you've already been so generous both about my writing and my whining. So you really don't have to apologise or explain why you didn't manage to comment. I am not entitled to your kindness! (Though I appreciate it very much!)
Hope you get better soon!
Thank you. I'm still at a loss but I have time until (at least) next week to think of what to say. And it's entirely possible that he's forgotten it by then and will only call again in a couple of months. So I have time to discuss it with the folks around me and come to a more balanced conclusion? I hope. Anyway, thank you! *hugs again*