So helpless.
Sep. 26th, 2018 08:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
olorielFelix lost his best friend.
L. was one of the small-for-his-age boys who didn't enjoy the rough physical games many kids that age love. He was small for his age because, as a toddler, he'd already had to be treated for leukemia. He survived it, and when we met him, he was a cheeky, fun-loving kid who just preferred to avoid physical scuffles, but was otherwise active and happy and delightful.
Felix didn't celebrate his birthday during the summer holidays because L. was on vacation and he didn't want to have his party without L. Then after the holidays, the second day of school, L. fell sick again. The teacher had to announce that it would take at least half a year until he might be well enough to return.
He passed away last Saturday. He was two days younger than Felix.
The kids have been told. Felix himself is (currently) very collected. Nonetheless, I suspect that he's devastated. He'not crying openly, but withdrawn and sort of... seems to be walking on eggshells? He doesn't want to talk about it (he says). He "isn't sure" whether he wants to go to the funeral. (I won't be able to go because of work, but the mother-in-law was able to swap with a colleague so she has offered to go with him.) I expect that it will break out at some later point. When my grandmother (to whom Felix was also very close) died, he was initially calm and seemingly unperturbed, but half a year later he spent every evening crying because he was missing her so much.
Meanwhile, the adults are barely holding it together. I keep seeing L's cheerful little face. I can't believe that he's dead, gone forever. I want to scream at the world. I wish we'd been able to see him again. I'm going through denial, anger and bargaining all at once. Some of the other mothers in the class are also suspiciously red-eyed. I think we're all very much asking ourselves how we would be able to handle it if it were our own child.
I don't know how H., L.'s mom, handles it. Is she one of those people who just soldier on, going through the motions, step by step, until a year has passed and then another year has passed and then you may as well move on? Is she doing it for her other son, M.? The family bought a house last year so they'd have room enough for both kids to play. How will M. (who is about Julian's age) cope? How does life go on?
There are no answers, there's just sadness, and a simmering anger: This shouldn't be true, and it shouldn't be allowed to happen.
They put a very loving and personal notice of death in the paper, with a photo of L. as we knew him: cheeky grin, sparkling eyes, a happy young school child. The funeral is tomorrow.
L. was one of the small-for-his-age boys who didn't enjoy the rough physical games many kids that age love. He was small for his age because, as a toddler, he'd already had to be treated for leukemia. He survived it, and when we met him, he was a cheeky, fun-loving kid who just preferred to avoid physical scuffles, but was otherwise active and happy and delightful.
Felix didn't celebrate his birthday during the summer holidays because L. was on vacation and he didn't want to have his party without L. Then after the holidays, the second day of school, L. fell sick again. The teacher had to announce that it would take at least half a year until he might be well enough to return.
He passed away last Saturday. He was two days younger than Felix.
The kids have been told. Felix himself is (currently) very collected. Nonetheless, I suspect that he's devastated. He'not crying openly, but withdrawn and sort of... seems to be walking on eggshells? He doesn't want to talk about it (he says). He "isn't sure" whether he wants to go to the funeral. (I won't be able to go because of work, but the mother-in-law was able to swap with a colleague so she has offered to go with him.) I expect that it will break out at some later point. When my grandmother (to whom Felix was also very close) died, he was initially calm and seemingly unperturbed, but half a year later he spent every evening crying because he was missing her so much.
Meanwhile, the adults are barely holding it together. I keep seeing L's cheerful little face. I can't believe that he's dead, gone forever. I want to scream at the world. I wish we'd been able to see him again. I'm going through denial, anger and bargaining all at once. Some of the other mothers in the class are also suspiciously red-eyed. I think we're all very much asking ourselves how we would be able to handle it if it were our own child.
I don't know how H., L.'s mom, handles it. Is she one of those people who just soldier on, going through the motions, step by step, until a year has passed and then another year has passed and then you may as well move on? Is she doing it for her other son, M.? The family bought a house last year so they'd have room enough for both kids to play. How will M. (who is about Julian's age) cope? How does life go on?
There are no answers, there's just sadness, and a simmering anger: This shouldn't be true, and it shouldn't be allowed to happen.
They put a very loving and personal notice of death in the paper, with a photo of L. as we knew him: cheeky grin, sparkling eyes, a happy young school child. The funeral is tomorrow.
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Date: 2018-09-29 03:45 pm (UTC)